Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Thu May 13 2010

01:41 AM #
jjust woke up in tje garage. so drunnkj from chlis. stuppid family assholes fuck fuck em assholes i do what i want fukin asshole!!!!!

11:20 AM #
Don't remember last night AT ALL. But apparently I knocked the flat screen off the wall and now we only get channel 7.

11:24 AM #
Ann said I put on some Allman Bros. really loud in the family room then tried to micro Jimmy Dean breakfast sandwiches still in the box.

11:28 AM #
AND I bought cigarettes. Haven't smoked in 6 years. In pretty hot water with Ann and the kids.

02:00 PM #
Really lookin' forward to the weekend you guys.

02:12 PM #
Just ordered these bad boys: http://www.mauijim.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/Product3_11601_10001_10162_-1_17619_17619_N__1__

02:32 PM #
Ann doesn't need to know how much those cost. She doesn't know what Maui Jim's are anyway. She has bad taste.

02:34 PM #
Plus, I need 'em for Sunday. Goin' to Comerica for the Tiger game with Al. Boston is going down! So pumped.

04:52 PM #
Ann just "informed me" that we have my kid's family soccer team picnic on Sunday and that I never told her about the baseball game.

04:55 PM #
This is such crap! She frickin' KNEW. Why do I have to go to the stupid picnic anyway? I never go to the stupid boring games.

05:01 PM #
@willDavidian She had the 3rd biggest boobs at my high school. Now she says she has the 2nd biggest at our house. Sick of it.

06:27 PM #
Ann says she would've let me go to the Tigers game if I wouldn't have made a "real clown" out of myself last night. Yeah right.

06:34 PM #
Maybe I wouldn't act like such a clown if she didn't let the kids call me stuff like "Captain Pigout" at the dinner table!!!

06:36 PM #
2 helpings of spaghetti is NOT "overdoing it." I'm eating in the family room from now on.