Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Tue May 18 2010

11:38 AM #
Finally saw the Hangover last night. Man, I wish I wasn't stupid married. I'd party like that every night.

01:43 PM #
Cute new gal's b-day at work today. Wore my sweet Levi's tee. Shrunk a little in the dryer but if I don't stand up straight it's fine.

04:28 PM #
I have to go to another stupid dance recital tonight?! REALLY?! We JUST went to one. So boring AND they make me feel creepy.

04:51 PM #
I don't understand why Ann says it's "gross" when I look at half naked women in Maxim but it's totally fine when they're underage.

04:52 PM #
She's the "gross" one!

04:53 PM #
That's it. Putting my foot down. I'm not going. I'll fake diarrhea or something. Fake "I have diarrhea" gets you out of anything.

04:55 PM #
Work, church, family gatherings, doing it with your old grossout wife on your anniversary...ALWAYS fake diarrhea. Fool proof.

05:35 PM #
Gonna save the diarrhea excuse for another day. Went with "stuck at work." Which is code for "stuck at the bar at Chili's."