Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Tue Jan 11 2011

12:51 PM #
Went to work with some Just For Men smeared on my cheek. Lied and said it was cigarette ashes.

12:54 PM #
This one judgy woman said, "You know that's bad for you. We're gonna have to call you Smokey The Bear." Really hating her guts right now.

12:55 PM #
SUPER P.O.'d. More than usual. I think this diet's getting to me. I'm usually a cool customer about the insults.

01:03 PM #
Maybe I'm just crabby because they bought us Panera Bread for lunch today. Soup without the bread bowl part is just a ripoff.

01:04 PM #
And it wasn't very sensitive to my dietary needs to go to Panera BREAD when they KNOW I can't have bread. Like they did it on purpose.

01:05 PM #
And I love their sourdough. Stayed strong, but it was really hard to not cave in. My half sandwich was nothing without the bread.

09:36 PM #
Dave found the box from my Just For Men in the trash. Won't shut up about it. He thinks it's a home perm thing for guys or something.

09:41 PM #
I'm trying to wind down for bed and that fat idiot is walking around in his boxers saying, "Oooo! I'm Karl! I'm Mr. Handsome!"

09:43 PM #
Dave's so jealous. He's so friggin' jealous it makes me sick. I'M gettin slim. I'M lookin good. And he's a lonely pig, that's what it is!

09:46 PM #
Gonna eat some salami and cheese in the kitchen and hit the sack. Screw Dave. Stupid a-hole.