Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Tue Mar 01 2011

01:47 AM #
Here's a first: Dave just woke me up taking a crap so loud it sounded like someone blowing up a dead deer with some bottle rockets.

01:48 AM #
Super wide awake and grossed out. Might just put on some coffee. Gotta pee really bad, but I'm not going in that danger zone.

01:51 AM #
Feel like the whole world is made of poop. That was the grossest thing I've ever heard. Dave needs to lay off the McD's lefites.

11:52 AM #
Dinner last night was just ok. My daughters kept calling me "Karl" but my son didn't want to sit next to me, so that was cool.

11:56 AM #
I really took some guff for just eating the spaghetti sauce without the pasta. It's not "gross", it's "healthy." Gotta lay down the law.

11:58 AM #
I told them to stop calling me Karl. They said, "Dads live with their kids like regular families." Kinda got me in the ticker.

12:00 PM #
I mean, I haven't been around much lately, but who do they think pays the mortgage?! Not Ann's eBay business, that's for sure.

03:26 PM #
Supposed to go over to Ann & the kids for dinner in a few. Just havin a couple brews to relax first. It's really stressful.

08:16 PM #
My son wore a fruity wizard's hat at the dinner table tonight. He kept "casting spells" on the food. I'm going to do some drinking now.

08:27 PM #
Plus, with the kids there calling me things like "Kool Aid Karl," I'm getting ZERO action from Ann.

09:58 PM #
Dave just ripped one and said, "Hey Karl, catch that aroma!" I'm going to bed with my Crown & Diet. Everyone sucks. Everywhere sucks.