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DadBoner - Fri Mar 04 2011

12:22 AM #
Got up to pee. Light's on in the bathroom with the door locked. Think Dave passed out on the can. Gonna take a leak in a Miracle Whip jar.

12:25 AM #
Sick of this. Sick of living like an animal. Gonna pound a cold one and catch some z's. My sleep schedule's all off.

12:26 AM #
I hope Dave's not dead or something. That'd ruin my whole weekend.

11:34 AM #
Really got me some Friday fever, you guys! Hope you're havin a good one.

11:37 AM #
Dave just called all up in arms about the empty Miracle Whip jar I pee'd in. Forgot it in the kitchen.

11:39 AM #
What, should I just wiz in the sink? I wouldn't have these problems if Dave didn't take midnight sleep dumps on the can.

11:42 AM #
I wonder if I have to go over to Ann & the kids' for supper on Fridays too? That'd be a real drag. Fridays are supposed to be special.

01:03 PM #
Sneakin in the fridge to get some leftover no crust 'za. It's Friday, you guys, nothing wrong with a little snack.

01:14 PM #
Peeled off the cold cheese and pepperoni. Made some Captain Karl's Pizza Roll-em-ups. They should sell these to dieters. Be a huge hit!

01:18 PM #
With a couple more great recipe ideas, I think I could open up my own restaurant. That'd be a blast. "Captain Karl's Pizza Ship!"

01:20 PM #
We'd have Italian Chili, Pork Chop Sandwiches a la Karl, Pizza Roll-em-ups, Italian UnTacos, all the fixins, and the coldest beer in town!

01:24 PM #
I gotta draw up some plans for Captain Karl's Pizza Ship. This is a great idea, you guys. Feelin inspired.

02:32 PM #
Gonna meet Dave for a couple $2.50 24oz drafts at Paddy's before heading to Ann's. I wanna tell him about my restaurant idea.

02:34 PM #
Nosey lady just said we're having a last minute meeting about what happened to the pizza lefties. "We're" not. I'm leaving.

07:25 PM #
Got a little too buzzed for dinner with Ann & the kids. The cold brews were going down so smooth. Shouldn't of went over.

07:27 PM #
Told my daughters that "Captain Karl is sick of this crap with the name calling!" Now they calling me "Tugboat." So sick of this.

07:30 PM #
Ate Sloppy Joe's with no bun & spilled a bunch on my shirt. Ann said, "rough seas, Captain Karl?" They laughed like she was Elaine Boosler

07:32 PM #
My son tried to put a spell on my shirt to make the stain go away. I said, "Magic's not real!" He freaked out & went to his room.

07:33 PM #
So I guess I'M the bad guy now. For being honest. SO sorry. I guess GOOD dads are all liars.

07:34 PM #
Got some Bacardi on the way home. I need to make some of my special Island Coolers to take the edge off. Really steamed.

09:11 PM #
These Island Coolers are goin down so smooth, you guys. Dave put on some Buffett. We're really chillin. This is what Friday's all about.

09:12 PM #
I don't really like Jimmy Buffett. Don't think anyone does. But the lifestyle is just so laid back and chillin that it's cool.

09:14 PM #
I should write some island songs. "Paradise Cooler" has a nice ring to it. Maybe get some bongos. These are going down so smooth.

09:16 PM #
I'm gonna boil some hotdogs.

10:58 PM #
Almost 2am. Gonna have ONE more and hit the sack. Gonna have a dad's day with the kids and get lunch at Paddy's. Can't wait.

11:02 PM #
Oh, and Dave ate SIX friggin hotdogs. We think he should enter one of those contests. It's the coolest thing Dave could ever do!