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DadBoner - Sun Mar 06 2011

01:47 AM #
Think I kinda made an ass outta myself tonight. Just woke up on the couch. Oh god I am such a jerk. Such. A jerk.

01:55 AM #
Guess Dave bought cookies. Like nice stuff from the Kroger bakery. Technically it's still cheat day.

12:00 PM #
Cool Dad day started out good yesterday. Let my daughters play some Katy Perry in the Sebring. Have you seen that babe? Holy mackerel!

12:15 PM #
Went to Paddy's. My son ordered a chef salad. Told him to get something nice like the Paddy Melt. Wouldn't budge. So embarrassing.

12:18 PM #
I told my daughter's to get the BLT pizza. They freaked out because it has ranch for the sauce. Why would that be a BAD thing?!

12:22 PM #
All they wanted were fries and ketchup. You could get that anywhere! This is PADDY'S!

12:24 PM #
I did it right with the Irish Nachos. Daughters couldn't understand why they were Irish Nachos. Because they have FRIES, that's why.

12:27 PM #
They thought they should be called French Fry Nachos. That's BORING. Why are they so damn boring?

12:29 PM #
Introduced my kids to Gina. One of my daughter's asked, "Are you Karl's girlfriend?" Then, "Why does Karl think he's so cool?"

12:33 PM #
"Do you think Karl's cool?" "Our mom doesn't think so." "Does Karl try to kiss you?" "I think Karl likes you." And on and on.

12:35 PM #
I tried to change the subject and ordered a bucket of beers. Gina gave me some weird look and walked away. I felt like such a loser.

12:40 PM #
Then my son started in with the magic wand crap. I went to the bathroom to fake a bm just so I could get away.

12:41 PM #
When I got back the food was there. My daughter said, "We told Gina you were making #2 and she could just leave it. Karl makes #2 alot."

12:43 PM #
I shoveled down my Irish Nachos, and only pounded 5 of the 6 beers because I was driving the kids, then got the heck out of there.

12:45 PM #
After I dropped them off, I went back to Paddy's to try and smooth things over with Gina. Can't have her think I'm a grossout.

12:49 PM #
Got another bucket of beers. Then a few Crown & Diets. Then I went to Wild Spurs. Guess I knocked over some things and had to leave.

12:50 PM #
I just wanted to seem cool to my Paddy's peeps. I don't want them to think all Captain Karl is about is taking craps. Kinda bummed.

12:53 PM #
Plus I ate a dozen of Dave's bakery cookies last night. I'm such a fat, crap machine. Feelin down. I gotta get it together.

08:20 PM #
Had to have supper with the fam, AGAIN. Was so hungover and Ann was this and that and blah blah blah, and the kids were blah blah blah.

08:22 PM #
My daughter said how she met "my girlfriend Gina" at Paddy's and how she said I'm a dumpmachine or whatever. Had to explain all of it.

08:24 PM #
Had sauerkraut & sausage for supper. My son kept saying it was "cauldron snakes." Sick of this. What is he, retarded?

08:28 PM #
I really need to call a family meeting about all of this. Buncha weirdo crap from everyone is NOT gonna fly. I need a cold brewski.

10:28 PM #
Gonna hit the sack. Dave's watching a Grey's Anatomy rerun like it's serious and keeps gasping. It's giving me the creeps he's so dopey.