Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Thu Mar 31 2011

11:13 AM #
Last night my son was crying because my daughters kept calling him "gaytarded." I told him not to act that way if he doesn't like it.

11:16 AM #
I've got nothing against gay people or retards. But when you act like both at the same time, you're gonna get called out as "gaytarded."

11:20 AM #
I mean, if he wants to be gaytarded, I'm open minded and cool with it, it's 2011. But he can't get mad about being called that.

12:17 PM #
Accidentally got 5 Taco Bell shrimp burreets today instead of tacs. WAY too much. Plus side: Afternoon lefties! SO good, you guys.

12:19 PM #
Health Tip: Leftover Taco Bell shrimp burreets with no shell just make the greatest afternoon pick me up that you can feel good about.

03:31 PM #
Goin to supper with Ann & the kids. Might hit Paddy's after. It is Thirstday, after all. Nothin wrong with a few cold ones, you guys.

09:24 PM #
Just back from Paddy's. $3.50 wine special. Lotta gals. Lotta smokin babes. Really smokin. Hot babes just everywhere, you guys.

09:26 PM #
Told Dave he's gotta start hittin Paddy's up for wine night. I've got the whole wife thing goin on, but I'm a great wingman. I got moves.

09:27 PM #
I musta bought these 2 gals a dozen glasses of wine. Man, they were hammered. Dave coulda cleaned up. I know what the ladies like.

09:29 PM #
Too bad I've got the Ann thing goin on, or me and Dave could really cut loose. He'd be a great grenade jumper. Real desperate.

09:31 PM #
I figure, if you can trick just one babe into marrying you, you can probably at least score with half of the others.

09:32 PM #
I ever tell you guys how Ann had the second biggest boobs in high school? That's how good my moves are. Real smooth.

09:34 PM #
I should hit the sack, but I feel like I could drink a hundred beers right now. Super pumped for Friday, you guys.

09:45 PM #
Dave's tryin to crash out. He said he'll stay up if I spring for Wrestlemania pay per view on Sunday. Whatever, it's gotta be like $8.

09:47 PM #
Dave ordered Wrestlemania. Now he's running around like a little kid saying "Karl, you can't see me!" Doing some weird hand thing.

09:48 PM #
I guess Dave's really into wrestling. Never told me. My son likes gaytarded stuff, why would I judge Dave for it?

09:53 PM #
Holy smokes, Dave's showing me some of these wrestling gals. Maybe he's onto something. Good call. I mean, WOW.