Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Fri Apr 29 2011

11:38 AM #
Get outta my dreams, get into my Friday! Really lookin' forward to the weekend, you guys.

11:43 AM #
It's almost 60 degrees outside. I'd almost think about gettin the boat out if it weren't for my bum ankle. Sure do miss my baby.

12:29 PM #
Might hit Paddy's tonight for $2.50 24oz drafts...and a little bit of sympathy from the cuties behind the bar. Ha!

12:31 PM #
Nosey lady thinks I should be healed up by now and still wants to see a doctor's note for my tardiness. I'm not a 4th grader, idiot.

12:32 PM #
Maybe I'd be more apt to cooperate if she'd cough up the dough she still owes me from the Japanese food drive. Cheap old sow.

12:34 PM #
I'm a grown man. When I think my ankle's healed, it's healed. Sprains can last up to 2 months. I don't need to have a doctor tell me that.

12:36 PM #
Goin to take a nap on the toilet. I shouldn't be harassed because I'm crippled. Sick of this.

03:36 PM #
Can't believe we had to stay at work until 6:30 on a Friday. Screw everyone. I'm going to Paddy's for cold ones.

03:39 PM #
YOU HEAR THAT STUPID CRAP WORLD?! I'M GONNA GO GET SOME DAMN COLD BEERS BECAUSE EVERYONE SUCKS!! Meetin Dave & Al. Gonna get loose.

09:36 PM #
Just got home. Super bombed. Cold ones went down so smooth. A man really works up a mean thirst when he's crippled, you guys.

09:38 PM #
Gina at Paddy's was such a sweetheart. Even signed my Ace bandage and gave me a little cheek smooch. Cripples must get all the babes.

09:44 PM #
My bro Al had to split early, he started in with the Jamos early and took a trip to barftown in the parking lot. It was awesome, you guys!

09:48 PM #
If there's anyone who does upchuck right, it's my bro Al. He DOUSED some idiot's Scion riceburner. Just killed me! Al's the best!

09:50 PM #
Makin me and Dave a Tombstone pizza a la Captain Karl. Really jazzin it up with my own herbs & spices. Flavor is gonna be out of bounds.

09:52 PM #
I bet when Guy Fieri makes a Tombstone, that bad boy is the Mayor of Flavor Town. He's probably the best chef in the U.S. right now.