Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Mon May 02 2011

12:33 AM #
Got up to take a leak. Dave's blaring some crap Toby Keith song & dancing in his underpants like an idiot for no reason. Goin back to bed.

11:12 AM #
Slept in. Forgot it was Monday. Just got the good word! See, that's why you don't mess with the USA, you guys.

11:14 AM #
Looks like I picked the right day to miss work. There's NO WAY anyone went in. It's gotta be the biggest party day of the year!

11:18 AM #
I sent Dave to the store for some ice cold Budweisers and Johnsonville Cheddarwursts. Beauty day. Gonna fire up the grill for the R,W & B!

11:22 AM #
Now that we killed Bin Laden, can we please stop screwing around and have an NFL season for Pete's sake?

11:28 AM #
Always wanted to be a Navy SEAL ever since I saw the flick. I love action. But then I got married and crap. Otherwise, mighta had a shot.

11:42 AM #
Where's Dave with the damn Johnsonvilles?! He'd never cut it as a SEAL. It's not like he had to shoot a terrorist at the supermarket.

11:59 AM #
Had a few missed calls from work. People actually went in! So disrespectful. Lied and told them I had to go back to the doctor.

12:01 PM #
Dave finally got back. Time to fire up some Cheddarwursts and drink some cold ones for the troops. USA, you guys!

02:23 PM #
Johnsonvilles, Ruffles & Onion dip, cold ones, ESPN's on...what a great Monday! We should kill a terrorist every week. Just a real treat.

02:53 PM #
No Ann, I don't want to be picked up. When I tell you, "my ankle's too sore to drive over," it means, "I'm drunk and my family's boring."