Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Fri Jun 10 2011

01:11 AM #
Dave is asleep on the toilet. I've done that a few times so I don't wanna judge, but I gotta wiz. Gonna make in this empty Sprite 2-liter.

11:09 AM #
Hope everyone's havin a shaggadelic Friday, baby, yeeeaaahhhh! (that's an Austin Powers reference from way back. Ha!)

11:17 AM #
Got up early and had a nice big breakfast at McDonald's. So good. It's totally worth the extra 3 or 4 trips to the bathroom, you guys.

12:01 PM #
Just noticed someone ripped out a couple pages from the Penthouse in the john. So inconsiderate. That Penthouse is for all to enjoy.

12:05 PM #
Asked Ken about the missing Penthouse pages. Seemed shady about it. I bet he's car tuggin at lunch. Nothin wrong with that, but still.

12:05 PM #
Asked Ken about the missing Penthouse pages. Seemed shady about it. I bet he's car tuggin at lunch. Nothin wrong with that, but still.

12:08 PM #
If you wanna stroke it in the privacy of your own car, that's fine, but it's no excuse for destroying a vintage Penthouse to make it happen.

01:07 PM #
Can't wait to hit up karoke tonight. Super pumped. Inviting EVERYONE. Gonna do some pushups in the john. Gotta be jacked!

01:30 PM #
Wearin this bad boy 2 nite! It rocks, you guys. http://t.co/y75ERxy

01:35 PM #
FYI about my new tee: "Feat. a skull graphic, this men's tee is sure to put you in the spotlight. Team this tee with jeans for added style."

01:37 PM #
Good thing I read the info on the Tap Out rock tee. Was just gonna wear it with my khaki Dockers. Wearin jeans is a good call.

02:54 PM #
I'm outta here. Gotta go home and practice my Diamond Dave moves for 2 nite! Happy Friday, you guys!