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DadBoner - Mon Jun 20 2011

10:50 AM #
Took off for Ann's on Dave's 10-speed last night stuffed with Papa John's & Crown. Wiped out bad halfway there. Messed up my jean shorts.

10:51 AM #
Was so full from the 'za, but knew I needed to eat Ann's grub. It was almost a blessing that I had to puke anyway.

10:52 AM #
Lying on the side of the road with a scraped up knee, puking my guts out in the humidity, kinda made me feel like I was in 'Nam.

10:55 AM #
Dave's 10-speed sucks. The chain falls off if it isn't in first gear, tires are almost flat & the seat's crooked. My crotch got all chafed.

10:57 AM #
I'd say one of the only times it's ok to drive boozed up is if your only option is a broken 10-speed. Never forget.

10:59 AM #
Got to Ann's an hr & a half late. Soaked with sweat and bleeding. I feel like that's how a real man should enter a Dad's Dad celebration.

11:02 AM #
When I got there, steaks were all burned & cold and my greedy son pigged down all the Cool Ranch Doreets. I was only an hour & a half late!

11:04 AM #
At least the cold ones were still good. Ann got the good stuff at least. Sam Adams is for special occasions. Goes down so smooth.

11:05 AM #
Ann only got a 6-pack though. WHO does that?!! For a Dad's Day celebration? 6 brews? Was kind of a kick in the sack I think.

11:07 AM #
If you have a party & only have a 6-pack of suds, it's not a party. It's just saying, "you're not welcome and we'd like you to leave asap."

11:17 AM #
I polished off that sixer, did a "no thanks" on the burnt steak and hit the bricks. I know where I'm not wanted.

11:40 AM #
The only present I got was a what I thought was a drawing of a penis man from my son. Turned out to be a magician. Straight in the trash.

11:42 AM #
Got sick of Dave's crappy bike on the way home. Threw it on the side of the road for a trash guy to find. Walked home in a lightning storm.

11:44 AM #
Shoulda just stayed home with my 'za, Crown & US Open. Never leave a party you're having a blast at to go to one your family's throwin you.

11:45 AM #
Dad's Day would be the party of the year if Dads got to spend it with people they like to party with instead of their families, you guys.

12:39 PM #
My inner thighs are so chafed from my wet jean shorts that I can hardly move. I have to walk like a black gal holdin in a stinky.

12:41 PM #
Jean shorts need to come with a warning: May cause extreme chafing if worn while sweaty. Use caution.

01:47 PM #
Can't stand this. My thighs are raw and on fire. Goin to get some creams & ointments.

04:56 PM #
Dave's complaining 'cause I threw his bike away on the side of the road. I've NEVER seen him ride it. Says I owe him money. What a scam.

04:59 PM #
What's a crappy 1987 Murray 10-Speed worth anyway? I did him a FAVOR by taking that trash out for him. He should pay ME.

05:03 PM #
Dave should thank me that he never has to ride that piece of crap bike. My crotch is destroyed, you guys.