Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Sat Jul 02 2011

01:05 PM #
I was grillin brats and Dave threw a whole fistful of Snap & Pops at my back. Burned a bunch of little holes in my Corona tee! Sick of this.

01:27 PM #
2 things everyone knows not to mess with: #1: Texas #2: Another man's Corona tee. Dave is gonna pay for that.

01:33 PM #
I hope Dave likes it when I fire a whole gross of bottle rockets at him! Really steamed. That Corona tee was brand new for the weekend.

02:08 PM #
Just because Corona is an overpriced beer for Mexicans, that doesn't mean they don't make a stylin' t-shirt, you guys.

02:12 PM #
Waitin for Dave to use the john. Gonna crack the door, throw the bottle rockets in there, then hold the door shut. Gonna be a smooth move.

02:14 PM #
Revenge is a dish best served cold, as in, when you've had 9 or 10 cold ones in the early afternoon, you guys.

02:24 PM #
Dave just went in the can. He had 5 Cheddarwursts so he should be in there a while. This is a real black-ops mission.

02:54 PM #
Oh my god. Went to throw the bottle rockets at Dave in the john. He had the door locked. Over 100 went off in the hallway. Oh god.

02:56 PM #
At least 30 bottle rockets must have exploded on me. Lots of small burns. Cargo shorts are ruined. Big patch out of my arm hair. Oh god.

02:58 PM #
The whole hallway is all covered in burns. Looks like a warzone. Smoke is so thick I can't breath. Ears are ringing so bad I wanna puke.

02:59 PM #
This ALL Dave's fault. WHAT KIND OF MAN LOCKS THE DOOR TO THE TOILET! DOES HE PEE SITTING DOWN TOO?!

03:01 PM #
If Dave thinks I'm cleaning this bottle rocket mess up he is so wrong. This is all on him for ruining my nice Corona tee. He started it!

03:03 PM #
Looks like a few bottle rockets made it to the couch. There's like 6 holes in it. But it was ruined anyway from where Dave sharted on it.

03:04 PM #
Dave came running out of the john with his pants down and peener out, screaming like a woman. What a baby. Guess he can't handle explosions.

03:45 PM #
The pad is pretty messed up. But, you really haven't partied hard enough for the 4th if didn't destroy at least one piece of furniture.

08:09 PM #
Dave just called Aretha Franklin, "Urethra Franklin." Ha! We had a guy to guy and everything's cool now.