Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Fri Jul 08 2011

11:21 AM #
And I just can't fight this Friday anymorrrre! I've forgotten what I started work-in forrrr!!! Happy Friday to ya, you guys.

12:01 PM #
Supposed to get the boat out of dry storage tomorrow. Can't wait! cold ones, cruisin, jammin out, sandwiches. Gonna be a blast.

12:03 PM #
Might invite Ann & the kids. When you spend alot of time with a violent cokehead named Crazy Cooter, it makes you appreciate your fam.

12:06 PM #
Gotta work on my rich cocoa tan some more tomorrow. It drives the babes wild.

12:10 PM #
Ken turned me onto this. It's such a summer jam, you guys. This is how we party in the mitten! http://t.co/3LSJ337

12:36 PM #
Never cared much for Kid Rock when he was into that rap mumbo jumbo, but man, this All Summer Long is my new jam!

12:39 PM #
I gotta get outta this dump. Kid Rock is givin me that Friday tingle. Can't stand to be here anymore! Need a cold one! AAAHHHHHHHH!!!!

01:19 PM #
Screw this. Told Nosey Lady one of my kids has an emergency. Might be true, I wouldn't know. Headin to Cold One City. Friday on, you guys!

10:58 PM #
Saw Ann tonight. Said she's carrying 6 almonds for when she's hungry like Oprah. Told her, "Oprah looks like she carries 6 pizzas." Ha!

11:00 PM #
Oprah is so fat, she looks like she ate Oprah, you guys. Oh man, gotta write these down.

11:01 PM #
When Oprah walks into a room, people are all like, "Whoa, is that Oprah, or did Barry White come back to life and shave his moustache?

11:03 PM #
When Oprah sits around her mansion she REALLY sits around her mansion. Because she's all fat, and mansions are HUGE. Ha!

11:04 PM #
I am KILLING Dave with these, you guys. He thinks I should send them into the Friars.

11:06 PM #
I bet when Oprah walks into a Chinese restaurant, they're all like, "Oh no! It is Brack Godzirra! Wun fo yo rife!"

11:08 PM #
When Oprah eats at Burger King, it's really "Home of The Whopper." Hahahaha!

11:11 PM #
Whooo boy. Man, I can't breathe. Me and Dave are dying over here. Oprah is just SUCH a fatso. Why does she give diet tips? What an idiot.

11:13 PM #
It's ok to make fun of fat people like Oprah if they're super rich and think they're better than you, you guys. Screw 'em.

11:15 PM #
I bet Oprah makes gals thinks it's ok to get heavy just because she is. Newsflash: She doesn't want you to be slim. It's a mind game.

11:16 PM #
Rich slobs want to bring you down to their level so you're all fat but they're still rich and you just suck now. That's what Oprah does.

11:18 PM #
Man, I'm so stoned. Oprah can suck it. She ruined my marriage with her bullcrap. Probably others too. Closet lesbo load of crap faker.

11:19 PM #
I'm hittin' the sack. I shouldn't swear but I'm gonna swear. Fuck Oprah. She ruined this country's women with her money grubbing shit.

11:19 PM #
G'night, you guys.