Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Fri Jul 22 2011

10:58 AM #
Carry on my Friday son, there'll be drinks when you are done. Lay your weary head to rest, don't you work no more. Happy Friday, you guys!

11:14 AM #
Had a meeting about the broken toilet tank lid. Nosey lady is all steamed. Already lied about breaking it once so twice should be a breeze.

11:20 AM #
It's ok to lie about destroying property when you did it 'cause of the heat. Ghetto people always do it. When they murder it's bad though.

11:23 AM #
I can kinda understand how ghetto people kill each other when it's hot out. I want to murder lots of people, but I'm not some animal.

11:46 AM #
Sick of this broken AC. If I can make it through today I'm doin top shelf margs that'll make Jimmy Buffet look like a 3rd grade girl.

11:50 AM #
Never was much for Jimmy Buffet's music. If I want a tropical jam, Diamond Dave's California Girls does me just fine.

11:53 AM #
Jimmy Buffet always sounds like he's depressed about partyin. Pick up the tempo, amigo. Songs about margs shouldn't be a snooze.

11:59 AM #
OH REALLY NOSEY LADY!? YOU WANT ME TO SIGN SOMETHING THAT SAYS I DIDN'T BREAK THE TOILET?! SIGNED IT! NOW SHOVE IT UP YOUR FAT FRIGGIN CAN!

12:02 PM #
Sorry to lose my cool, you guys. It's just that when someone forces to you lie by signing something, it's insulting.

01:09 PM #
So hot. Going to get a Gatorade. And put booze in it. And drink it at work. Because screw this bullcrap. It's Friday, MY day.