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DadBoner - Tue Jul 26 2011

11:01 AM #
Grunted out a premie this morning to try and avoid another dumpster crap situation. About to turn in my complaint about the locked john.

12:01 PM #
Just turned in my complaint. Here it is: To Whom It May Concern,

12:04 PM #
Yesterday, 7/26/11, the employees of _________ were told that they would be required to ask for a bathroom key from _______ in order to ...

12:05 PM #
... use the john for urinating or defecation purposes. This was implemented due to the fact that "someone" broke the toliet tank lid.

12:06 PM #
Who was that "someone?" Sadly, I guess we'll never know. Must be someone with no class. Unfortunately, now we're all being punished for it.

12:08 PM #
Adults should be free to use the john as they please, whether it be to relieve themselves, or check their appearance in the mirror...

12:09 PM #
... to make sure that their hair or make up is just right. It's important to be presentable. I personally take great pride in my appearance.

12:11 PM #
That's why I am on a special diet that keeps me lean and fit. This special diet also has it's drawbacks, such as frequent restroom breaks.

12:13 PM #
Yesterday, I enjoyed a healthy salad from Burger King, and after it digested, I felt the need to purge it from my body, which is natural.

12:17 PM #
Sadly, when that time came, ______, the keeper of the key to the john was no where to be found. I did my very best to hold in my waste...

12:20 PM #
...but after 5 to 10 minutes, it became an impossibility. Concerned that I would defecate on myself, I was forced to exit the building...

12:22 PM #
...and use the facilities, as the say, behind the dumpster in the rear parking lot. Luckily, I had a good number of Burger King napkins...

12:23 PM #
...left over from my lunch break as I always ask for extras. I like to keep things tidy, but sadly, those napkins were used for something...

12:25 PM #
...other than cleaning Ken's LITE Ranch dressing off of my shirt or car seat. It was humiliating, and I feel saddened by this event.

12:27 PM #
In order to avoid similar future incidents, I move that the men's john be returned to it's previous unlocked state, free for all to enjoy.

12:28 PM #
This was a horrible experience for me, but perhaps it can be used for good, so that no one else has to defecate behind the work dumpster...

12:30 PM #
...like a common street person. Remember, it could happen to any of you. Thank you for your time. Regards, Karl Welzein

03:33 PM #
Stayed late at work to see if there was any response to my complaint. NOTHING. Might have to take drastic measures. This will not stand!

03:37 PM #
You don't mess with a man's toilet privileges. This is the USA damnit, not a 3rd World garbage dump where you crap on the street corner.