Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Wed Aug 03 2011

09:46 AM #
Went to Ann's for supper last night. She didn't get into my new 'rang like I thought. Probably just jealous of my rock n roll lifestyle.

09:50 AM #
The whole fam was really quiet at supper. Asked 'em what's up? They started crackin' up with, "Is that a clip on earring?" It's pierced!

09:53 AM #
Ann said, "Whoa, an earring!? Look out everyone, it's Renegade!" Like she doesn't LOVE Lorenzo Lamas on that show.

09:57 AM #
My son asked, "Is Daddy a girl now?" What an idiot. It's an earring. Most badass dudes have one. He's got alot to learn about the world.

10:03 AM #
Stone Cold? Earring. Renegade? Earring. Dog? Earring. Guy Fieri? Earring. A 'rang let's the world know you kickass & take names like I do.

10:06 AM #
Know who DOESN'T have an earring, son? Harry friggin' Potter. 'Cause your hero's not a hero at all. And magic isn't real, stupid.

10:58 AM #
Think my work suspension is up today. Wonder if I was supposed to go back? No one called. It's paid suspension so I'm not in a rush.

10:59 AM #
Plus, the Captain Karl's Pizza Ship plans aren't done yet. Gotta really bust my hump today to git 'r done.

11:02 AM #
Okay, 10th rule of Captain Karl's Pizza Ship; If you drink 11 Captain Karl's Top Shelf Margs, #12 is on the Captain. (single visit only)

11:05 AM #
Crap, forgot it was Wing Wednesday. Already had 4 Lean Pockets, but I can't break tradition. Gonna really focus when I get back from BDubs.

01:53 PM #
Had a nice Wing Wednesday. Took out 18 Hot BBQ and washed 'em down with 5 ice cold Buds. Probs my last of freedom, had to take advantage.

01:57 PM #
Didn't need 18 wings after 4 Lean Pockets, but to be fair, they were LEAN Pockets. Musta worked up a mean hunger workin on the CK 'Za Ship.

02:06 PM #
Might head to the bank with my Captain Karl's Pizza Ship notes in the AM. If I get a loan, work can kiss me where the sun don't shine! Wooo!

03:16 PM #
If you achieve your dreams, it's ok to really shove it in everyone's face. Even if they seemed supportive, they were probably lying.

03:20 PM #
There were alot of people who never thought I could get this cool earring. Now, I'm the man, and they can suck it.

03:23 PM #
What's next? Could be a chain wallet, could be a ponytail. Who knows? What I DO know, is I'm gonna keep rockin n rollin. Just gotta be me.

04:58 PM #
Tryin out some slogans for Captain Karl's Pizza Ship: "Big Flavors, Great Value, Generous Portions. That's Captain Karl's."

04:59 PM #
"At Captain Karl's Pizza Ship, You'll Stuff Your Gills Without Walking The Plank."

05:02 PM #
"Captain Karl's Pizza Ship; It's the finest grub from the seven seas and none of that guido crap. That's a promise." Eh?

05:05 PM #
"Captain Karl's Pizza Ship; Bold Eats, Top Shelf Margs, and Sweet Babes Cans." Needs a rewrite, but it's gettin there. Gonna ask Dave.

09:05 PM #
Dave thinks I should call it "Kaptain Karl's" instead of "Captain Karl's." I'm not some rapper. Don't wanna bring in the wrong crowd.