Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Wed Aug 10 2011

12:18 PM #
Feels good to wear my Maui Jim's at work 'cause of the busted blood vessel from pukin. Wish I had a condition so I could wear 'em everyday.

12:20 PM #
Wearin shades at work lets me hate everyone's guts, yet still have a fake smile on my face. Shut my eyes for 25 minutes and no one noticed.

12:23 PM #
When I kick the bucket, I hope someone carries me around for awhile with shades on like in Weekend At Bernies. Ha! Such a classic, you guys.

01:34 PM #
I wish there was someway to be declared legally dead from Monday-Wednesday every week, then be totally ok for the rest.

05:09 PM #
This earring hasn't made me any new friends or broken any babes hearts. Kinda bummed. Maybe I'm not cut out for the rock n roll lifestyle.

05:35 PM #
Don't understand why gals aren't drawn to my 'rang. Maybe I need 2 like Guy Fieri. He must be crushin' babes left and right.

05:38 PM #
If there's anything I'm sure about, it's that Guy Fieri is one cool daddio with babes all around the world.

10:00 PM #
So sick of everyone's crap. Wish I could just go renegade like The Boz in Stone Cold. Kick ass, take names, and leave failure in the past.