Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Wed Aug 17 2011

11:26 AM #
Asked Vernon if he wanted to come to BW3s for Wing Wednesday. He said he brought a sandwich. Maybe he's not a real soul brother after all.

11:29 AM #
Crabfest at Red Lobster was off the hook last night. Had the Snow Crab & Roasted Garlic Seafood Bake for just $19.99. Such a great value.

11:38 AM #
Dave got the Crab Linguini Alfredo but only used it for dippin Cheddar Bay Biscuits into. Ate 4 baskets & took home his lefties. Smart move.

11:41 AM #
Me & Dave musta had 6 Lobsteritas each at Red Lob. Went down so smooth. Just a perfect paring with their Crabfest selections.

11:43 AM #
Kept freaking out that I saw Vernon at Red Lobster. Always turned out to be some other black guy in a mock turtleneck with an earring.

12:37 PM #
Why bring a sandwich from home for lunch? Going out for lunch is the only time I don't want to shove my face through a plate glass window.

01:32 PM #
In 4th grade, my family couldn't afford cafeteria food. Some days I'd eat a mustard sandwich by myself because I didn't have any friends.

01:34 PM #
I'd cry everyday after school because I didn't have any pals. Sometimes my Dad would cry too because we were poor.

01:43 PM #
That's why now, when I want Red Lobster on a Tuesday, I get Red Lobster. Makes a man feel like he made something of himself.

01:58 PM #
In 4th grade, I got a hot roast beef sandwich at school for a birthday treat. A bully picked it up and smashed it on my only present...

01:59 PM #
...,a new Detroit Tigers cap. I didn't stop punching his face until they drug me to the principal's office. When they sent...

02:00 PM # back to class to wait for my Mom to pick me up, the bully flicked me in the back of the ear. I beat him some more right...

02:02 PM #
...there in religion 'til my teacher with the fake leg from diabetes stumbled over and carried us out. That's why I never want to be poor.

02:03 PM #
Being poor makes you violent. If you can afford to go to Red Lobster, you should go. It's better than shooting someone like a Flint animal.

02:23 PM #
Really lookin' forward to the weekend, you guys.

04:21 PM #
I hassle Dave sometimes, but he's a good pal. It's important to have a buddy with similar interests, like splitting this case of Busch.

05:00 PM #
How come in beer commercials, guys show up to hang out with just a 6-pack? They might as well walk in, spit in your face, and leave.

05:13 PM #
Sick of beer companies telling us to "drink responsibly" like that's gonna help the economy. Real Americans buy 30 packs for a reason.