Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Mon Aug 29 2011

12:03 PM #
Woke up late today and didn't have time to shower. Gardetto's garlic sweat is pouring out of my body. I smell like some pizza slave.

01:42 PM #
My pits are so rank. Keepin my arms clasped down all day is starting to hurt my back. Might do a sink scrub in the john.

02:21 PM #
Was givin myself a nice sink scrub in the john. Thought I locked the door. Vernon came in when I was goin at my crotch. I don't need this.

02:25 PM #
Last thing I need is everyone to think I'm the hobo guy who washes his balls & b-hole in the sink at work. Hope Vernon keeps it hush.

02:30 PM #
What's worse: havin a smelly Gardetto's crotch? Or scrubbin your nuts in the work sink? I think the answer's pretty obvious, you guys.

03:43 PM #
My crotch is all sore from scrubbin it with recycled paper towels. No one can say I'm not doing my part for Mother Earth.

05:18 PM #
Thinkin about writin a letter to Penthouse Forum about my hot times with Brenda this weekend. Probably leave out the Dave diarrhea part.

05:20 PM #
Always wanted to be in Penthouse Forum. It's an exclusive club. But it's hard when you're married with only stories about passive hate.