Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Tue Sep 06 2011

11:16 AM #
Had a blast at Ann & the kids yesterday until Tina Carlson started openin her sow hole. Tryin to butt into my life. Was so steamed.

11:18 AM #
Tina drinks too much. Just a no class broad with a catcher's mitt mug. Tryin to tell me how my earring looks "desperate." She's jealous.

11:20 AM #
Tina told me that I was turning into a real deadbeat, but if I wanted help, everyone's there for me. From her? I'd rather suck a tailpipe.

11:22 AM #
Tina's bozo husband Doug said, "Yeah Karl, we're here for you." Then stuck out his hand for a shake. A real man goes for a pound. Sissy.

11:26 AM #
Doug is such a corncob. Always readin self help books. Put my finger in is chest and said, "Back off, pal." He got my drift.

11:28 AM #
Think anyone ever tries to give Guy Fieri "help" for livin the rock n roll lifestyle? I don't think so. Anyone who does is just jealous.

11:32 AM #
Challenged Doug to a shot contest. Brought that tequila with the built in pourer that Michael Spaghetti sells. Great for on the go.

11:42 AM #
Ann saw what was going on and tried to stop it. But a shot contest is like a gunfight. Women need to stay out of it.

11:44 AM #
I knocked back 5 shots just to take the lead, then told that bozo Doug to pick his panties out of his wife's fat keester and step up.

11:57 AM #
Doug said a shot contest was immature. I said, "your wife's big sloppers aren't." Burned him down.

11:59 AM #
Tina went all bonkers like some animal. Using foul language in front of the kids and everything. Just a no class bag of garbage.

12:02 PM #
I put all my booze in a bag & told 'em I didn't need to be part of their behavior. I'm better'n that. Whizzed on their car on the way out.

12:28 PM #
If you can't stand someone's guts, it's ok to take a leak on their car if you really had to go anyway. Forcin it out is a hate crime.

04:51 PM #
Just got a phone call from Ann. She wanted to discuss my "behavior" yesterday. Told her Tina started it. She's so immature.

04:53 PM #
Tina Carlson is one of those gals with a pushover husband who thinks she can just boss around anyone. Not me. I'll urinate on your car.

04:54 PM #
I made sure I got my urine all up in the grill too. Wait til they use the heater soon. It'll be hot mustard city for the Carlsons. Ha!

04:56 PM #
Ann said some of the neighbors saw me urinate on the Carlson's car & wondered, "What's up with Karl?" I'm just dandy. THEY have the problem.

04:57 PM #
If you see a man urinating on a car, and you don't turn away, maybe it's time to worry about your own sick pleasures and not the pee guy.