Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Mon Sep 19 2011

12:17 PM #
Dave just called asking if he got any mail. He never gets ANY mail. Then said his dad died so he wouldn't be back until tomorrow.

12:19 PM #
Really steamed at Dave. Thought we were like family. Didn't know his Dad was still alive, but still. It'd be nice to stay in the loop.

12:20 PM #
Plus, Dave's dead dad coulda got me outta work today! And all those tasty down home potluck funeral eats?! Man, feel like I'm missing out.

12:23 PM #
And you KNOW there's gonna be taco salad with Doreets at the funeral reception. It's a guarantee. Such a classic. Bold funeral flavors.

12:26 PM #
Hmm, work doesn't know what day Dave's dad's funeral is. Might tell 'em it's tomorrow. Take the day off to mourn with Dave. Do it up right.

12:35 PM #
When a pal has a death in the family, it's important to show respect and milk it for all it's worth. Turn a negative into a positive.

04:37 PM #
Really regretting this fake doo-doo stain I put on Dave's sheets. No time to clean it. Maybe he'll be too dead dad sad to notice.

05:01 PM #
Writing an email to Nosey Lady to send in the morning about why I won't be in so it's all ready to go. Best to plan out a work absence.

05:02 PM #
Dear _____, Sadly, I will not be able to attend work today. Got some real bad news this morning. I'd call, but I'm a little shaken and...

05:04 PM #
...don't want you to hear me get choked up on the phone as I take pride in my rugged exterior. My close pal David's father passed away.

05:05 PM #
Rest assured, I'll be spending the day with David, tending to his needs during this emotional time. Steaks, hamburgs, cold ones, the works.

05:06 PM #
Sadness is sometimes cured through the stomach, and a death isn't just for mourning, it's for celebrating. I guess Dave's dad wanted it...

05:07 PM #
...this way. I fondly remember a fishing trip where he said, "Karl, when I die, make sure you and Dave have a blast for me, 'cause I''ll...

05:09 PM #
...be dead. Ain't no good times where I'm goin'." I plan to keep that promise I made to David's father. I hate to miss work, but it's...

05:10 PM #
...the right thing to do in such a moment of tragedy. David's dad was also in a war, so this is also a celebration of our God and Country.

05:12 PM #
Rest assured, I will pass on all you guys' condolences. David sure could use 'em right now. Also, I might be in a little late on...

05:13 PM #
...Wednesday as well, as David's favorite meal is Wings and that's his favorite Hump Day meal. It'd be my honor to treat him to...

05:14 PM #
...a dozen or so if he feels up to it. Always good to put a smile on a pal's face when he's feeling in the dumps. Thanks for...

05:16 PM #
...all your support in our hour of grief. On behalf of David, myself, and David's dead father, blessings to you. Sincerely, Karl Welzein