Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Mon Sep 26 2011

11:34 AM #
Had one heckuva weekend, you guys. Laughter, romance, friendship, victory. What life's all about. Feel like I wanna die today though.

01:40 PM #
First Dave's dad buys the farm, then the Doritos inventor eats it? What a real kick in the sack. Grim reaper's really on a tear, you guys.

01:42 PM #
It's just so weird. I made Doritos Taco Salad for Dave's dead dad's memorial. Then the Doritos guy dies. Mysterious ways, I guess.

01:47 PM #
Gotta watch what I make tonight. If I grill up some Johnsonville's for Monday Night Football & the brat king dies, I'd never forgive myself.

01:53 PM #
What if I killed the Dorito guy?! Maybe Dave's dead dad got a hankering for my Dorito Taco Salad and came back to take him to the grave?

01:58 PM #
All this death is really getting to me. Feel surrounded by it. Gonna make a trunk liquor drink. Maybe have a chat with the big man upstairs.

02:55 PM #
Prayer isn't something you have to do in church. You can pray while stinkin up the john or drinkin in a parked car. God is everywhere.

04:46 PM #
If everyone spent their time on the toilet prayin for others, the world could be a better place. Think of all those positive vibes.

04:55 PM #
Feel like God is a 50/50 shot. But if you only pray when you're on the can, it's not like you wasted any time doin better stuff.