Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Sun Oct 09 2011

12:19 PM #
Kinda bummin' today, you guys. Had a heart to heart with Jody last night. Love is like war, and she really sank my battleship.

12:22 PM #
Told Jody I wanted to take the next step and turn up the heat up in the romance department. Really crashed & burned.

12:24 PM #
Jody said we couldn't "make it" 'cause she's kinda been in a long distance thing with some guy who lives in Canada. Glad she was honest.

12:30 PM #
Told her I understood and didn't want to be part of a messy love triangle. I just don't have room in my busy life for any complications.

12:34 PM #
If I wanted to, I'm sure I could've brought out my power moves that Jody couldn't resist. But that's not my style. I'm a gentle lover.

12:37 PM #
When I look deep into a babe's eyes with my move called the "carnal stare," combined with my masculine aroma, they just melt with desire.

01:16 PM #
Don't know how I'm gonna break the news to Big J that me and his mom are kaput. Might go get a 7-Up Cake from Kroger to soften the blow.

01:27 PM #
I mean, I can't blame Jody. How am I supposed to compete with a guy from Canada? I'm a bold catch, but he's an international lover.

01:40 PM #
Gonna make myself a tall Crown & ice roadie and go for a drive. See if a little Seger can help sort out the situation. Talk to me Bob.

03:23 PM #
Dinged a car in the Kroger parking lot. Wasn't drunk, but I was drinkin. Had to scram. Sometimes lookin out for #1 is the right thing to do.

03:27 PM #
Gonna have Big J over for the Tiger game. Stocked up on goodies. One last hurrah with Big J is the least I could do. He's my main man.

03:29 PM #
Cheddar & Sour Cream Ruffles, Dean's French Onion, Pizza Rolls, Johnsonville's, plenty of Faygo, Little Debbie Swiss Cakes...

03:31 PM #
...Hormel & Velveeta with my own special bold spices for a Crock Dip, Lil' Smokies in BBQ, cold ones up the wazoo. The works. Full spread.

03:32 PM #
Givin Big J one last beautiful evening with the alpha male in his life before I rip his heart out at the end of the game with the bad news.

03:34 PM #
At least the game should really provide a buffer for the pain. Sometimes I think the Tigers are all Big J has that makes him happy.

03:36 PM #
Tiger fans, let's do this! Super pumped.

04:30 PM #
Sick of this. Sick of everything. Can't ever do or have anything nice. Just so sick of it.

04:41 PM #
Throwin all the goodies straight in the trash. Goin to tell Big J it's over. He's gotta learn that life is just one big kick in the scrotum.

04:53 PM #
Dave's takin all the goodies out of the trash. Says I need to cool down. Thinks he has some grass stashed away. Might have a guy to guy.