Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Mon Oct 24 2011

12:28 PM #
Had a rough one last night. Really hurtin, you guys.

12:29 PM #
Took the Hummer Limo to Chili's. Was feelin top notch. Figured the crew must have had something planned at my favorite spot.

12:33 PM #
Took down about 7 top shelf margs. Waited to order eats until the gang showed up. Wanted to be polite. Not some pigout slob.

12:36 PM #
Chili's booted me out when they closed at 10pm. Told 'em it was my b-day celebraish and they could suck it. Thanks alot, Chili's.

12:39 PM #
Shouldn't of thrown a shot glass at the waiter, but that corncob had no right to toss me on my bday. I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE CLOSED, CHILI'S!

12:42 PM #
Took the Hummer Limo over to Ann's. Cranked up Hollywood Nights and waited to blow her mind. Woke up there in the morning.

12:50 PM #
I bet Ann saw me in the Hummer Limo when she took the kids to school in the morning. Probably got jealous of my rockstar lifestyle.

12:53 PM #
On your birthday, it's not IF you wet your pants in your sleep, it's how many times. It's a natural tradition. I'm guessing 3, not to brag.

12:57 PM #
Had the Hummer Limo just take me straight to work. Pee pants mostly dried. Not like I bm'd myself. I'm not some hobo, you guys.

01:02 PM #
Nosey lady saw me pull up to work in the Hummer Limo this morning. Asked why? Told her it was for the celebraish. Stupid know nothing sow.

01:05 PM #
When all your friends & family forget about your b-day, you might as well just spend the next day sleeping on the toilet 'cause who cares.

01:08 PM #
Sick of this.

02:55 PM #
Holy crap you guys! Got a big box of Omaha Steaks delivered to work from my bro Al! Gonna rub it in everyone's face. Make 'em feel terrible.

03:20 PM #
Omaha Steaks are pretty much the best in the world. So juicy and succulent. That's what I'm gonna tell Dave when I eat 'em in front of him.

05:04 PM #
The best revenge for a pal forgettin your bday is eatin somethin he can't afford in front of him. Really make him feel like a street animal.