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DadBoner - Sat Oct 29 2011

01:25 PM #
Gonna have Dave bleach my hair so it totally rocks like Guy Fieri's for the Halloween celebraish. He says it's easy, breezy.

01:30 PM #
Had another McRib (2) for lunch today. They're for a limited time, gotta take advantage. Again, feelin some D comin on. Must be those fries!

01:33 PM #
That's it. Writin a letter to Mickey D's. I don't have time to Occupy McDonald's like some scumbag on welfare.

01:36 PM #
If a company gives you diarrhea, there's no way you can Occupy anything of their's without fillin your pants. It's smart business.

02:34 PM #
Dear McDonald's, Karl Welzein here hailing from Grand Blanc, MI. Before we get into things, just wanted to let you know that I've...

02:36 PM #
...always been a fan of your value menu as well as your premium items featuring mayo, tomates & lettuce. They really hit the spot, you guys.

02:37 PM #
Would like to start off by giving you bold kudos for bringin back the McRib. It's a bold taste sensation that can't be beat and always...

02:39 PM #
...leaves me lusting for more. It's like you put some sort of vitamin "CRave" in the pork that makes my mouth water whether...

02:44 PM #
...I'm at work or sittin on the john, or pushin out a bm.

02:46 PM #
Unfortunately, I have to be the bearer of bad tidings. I've been gettin busy with the bold McRib flavors 2-3 times a day since you...

02:48 PM #
...broke it out for the big McRib celebraish, with a pretty decent BM situation. The quality of the sandwich is just top notch...

02:49 PM #
...and even though Ken told me you use ingredients found in gym mats or some crap, I understand that bold tastes sometimes have to...

02:52 PM #
...come from exotic locals. Think there was an episode of Bizarre Flavors where the hefty gay fella eats a Giraffe vagina that he said...

02:54 PM #
...tasted like a BM sandwich but had nutty aromas that reminded him of a trip to the Philippines. Really opened up my mind to new...

03:00 PM #
...tastes, textures, and sensual culinary cravings only found in places like Europe and other locals.

03:03 PM #
So, big ups to you Mickey D's. If gym mat dust really makes the tastes shine through in the McRib, the I'll go hand in hand you with you ...

03:05 PM #
...in giving the food squares a "suck it" for being so close minded. Now, let's get back to business. A few days ago, I started having...

03:06 PM #
...to spend large portion of my day on the john to, bad fries. Again, with the 2-3 McRibs I take down every day like a real badass...

03:08 PM #
...I just can't resist getting your crispy golden fries. Except for KFC gravy, they're perty much the only food you can drink out of a cup.

03:09 PM #
...Dave is kinda P.O.'d that I've been hoggin the john so much with my nasty D, but I told him I'd get in touch with Mickey D's asap.

03:12 PM #
I strongly urge you to get in touch with my local franchise & have them check out the fry situaish. I can't be usin up all the TP 'cause...

03:14 PM #
...Dave has some personal D issues as well. TP doesn't grow on trees. Ha! (Just a little guy humor there.) Thanks for your time, you guys.

03:15 PM #
Sincerely, Karl Welzein

03:16 PM #
P.S.- Bring back the McDLT!