Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Tue Nov 15 2011

12:57 PM #
Had some badass ideas last night. Gonna hit up Herman Cain with a 20 in the envelope. Really grease the wheels.

01:04 PM #
Whether you need fine restaurant seating, a thoughtful gift, or someone's trap shut about a restroom incident, a 20 says you mean business.

01:26 PM #
Finished up my letter to Herman Cain 'bout gettin back in the pizza game. Think it's right on point. Especially with the $20 donaish.

01:34 PM #
"Dear Herman Cain, 'Sup. Name's Karl Welzein. Hope you don't mind if I keep things casual, one pizza man to another.

01:35 PM #
Plus, I know Vernon (V-Dog). He's my homeboy from the streets (a fellow black) who got jacked a minute ago. Don't trip, he cool now.

01:37 PM #
I just wanted to get at you right quick about some ideas I had on the pizza tip. Ya'll know how fools be cravin' bowls now and shit?

01:39 PM #
Well, peep this; what if you and me hooked up for a black guy / white guy super team up in the pizza game if you don't get to be prez?

01:42 PM #
I've got a biz plan that could do it proper. It's called Captain Karl's Pizza Ship, and it's off the chain. Bold flavors for the people.

01:44 PM #
Here's the twist; we'd have complimentary Tricuits & Mayo (an old black pirate treat from the 7-seas), busty sea wench waitresses who...

01:45 PM #
...blacks, whites, or saucy caramel honey's, just as long as they come correct with the chest beefers. Chest beefers are equal...

01:46 PM #
...opportunity as far as I'm concerned. I've never been carnally in touch with a black babe. It's not my thang. But I can see how you...

01:49 PM #
...brothers crave their juicy backdoor areas. You know what I'm sayin? Anyway, let's get back to biz: Cheesy Bacon Bowl. Boom.

01:51 PM #
McRib. Boom. Pizza. (supreme toppings) Boom. Let's put all those things together in a bowl and sell those bad boys for a taste...

01:52 PM #
...sensation like no other, my brother from another mother. Taters, rib chunks, pizza, bacon, corn, gravy. Totally out of bounds.

01:57 PM #
I think that if the Cain Train and Captain Karl teamed up, we could take it to the top. I dig your style, and I like new friends. Dave's...

01:58 PM #
...been buggin' me lately with his erotic feelings towards the T-Mobile babe and issues with serious D, so I could use a new roll dog.

02:00 PM #
I know you crave the touch of steamy babes, but you do it with class and respect. And I never believed that you put pubes on that...

02:02 PM #
...soul sisters Coke can. And frankly, it's nobody's business how you put on the moves. I'm sure you do fine erotically, being a power man.

02:06 PM #
Hope we can kick it soon, Herman. Keep it real. -Karl Welzein. P.S. Use that 20 to try to be prez. My treat. Not a bribe.

05:23 PM #
Feelin accomplished about rappin at the Cain Train. Puttin Stranglehold on repeat & headin to Cold One City for a one man celebraish.

05:26 PM #
It's not drinkin' alone if you're rockin' to some Ted Nugent, you guys.