Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Thu Dec 01 2011

12:51 PM #
Really lookin' forward to the weekend, you guys.

01:29 PM #
Got my list of Nosey Lady burn downs all set to go in case she wants to go toe to toe. No one messes with Captain Karl. NO ONE!

01:34 PM #
1. Nosey lady locked the bathroom and I had to take a massive BM behind the work dumpster, then clean my backdoor with napkins from BK.

01:37 PM #
2. Nosey Lady wears ill fitting clothing that are a distraction, and not in the good way like causing carnal desires which are healthy.

01:39 PM #
Women with loose sloppers should make an effort to cover themselves. I can't focus on my work while feeling physically ill.

01:45 PM #
3. Nosey Lady's Michelina's Lean Gourmet meals give the workplace a horrid odor, and show no class. We're trying to be civil here.

01:51 PM #
4. Nosey Lady gave Vernon the worst workspace. Right by the john. Only a racist would seat a cool soul brother by the toilet, you guys.

01:55 PM #
5. I think Nosey Lady buys her slacks with a pre-wedge that's unpickable. There's no other excuse. Again, very distracting. Puke city.

01:57 PM #
6. Nosey Lady kept dangerous Activia's in the fridge, which almost sent me to an early grave. It's a hazardous substance and...

01:59 PM #
...should not be tolerated. No one keeps guns at work. They can kill you. So can 4 Activia's.

02:09 PM #
7. Nosey Lady seems pretty hard up for affection from a gentleman. Could make her snap at any time. Kill us all. It's a fact.

02:10 PM #
Ann made me watch some Lifetime crap once about this gal who was puke city in the bod and face department, some guy had...

02:14 PM #
...got steamy and nude with her for some guy humor with his pals after too many cold ones and he video taped it. When she found out, she...

02:15 PM #
...murdered a bunch of innocent people. Pretty sure it'll happen to Nosey Lady sometime. Then we'll all be sorry. Let's keep it safe.

02:19 PM #
In conclusion, do we really want a racist/possible murderer who's a grossout in our workplace? Let's at least get her the help she needs.

02:24 PM #
If you ever want someone to "not be around anymore," the polite way is to suggest "they get the help they need," you guys.

11:38 PM #
Couldn't sleep. Watchin' some tube. Really anxious about if it goes down with Nosey tomorrow. Could be a blood bath.

11:43 PM #
Looks like there's new fries at BK! Thick cut. Super pumped. I like dippin' fries in their Zesty Sauce. Just an insider tip, you guys.

11:47 PM #
BK should sell their Zesty Sauce in the store. At the Pizza Ship, we gotta knock off the recipe. Great for 'za, sammies, anything really.

11:50 PM #
Triple Steak Stack at Taco Bell?!!! Would love to combo it with some BK Zesty O-Ring Sauce. Man, that'd be bonkers.