Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Sun Dec 04 2011

11:45 AM #
Dave's walkin' around in his Forever Lazy, asked me if he should go to AA. Sissy. He just wants attention. Better to just bury your sorrows.

11:48 AM #
I'm drinkin' a goddamn Dewer's & Diet out of a goddamn Burger King cup. That's how a MOTOR CITY BAD BOY starts his Sunday, you guys.

01:24 PM #
Feel like I could drink a thousand beers right now, you guys. Might get rocked like never before. Hurricane standards.

01:26 PM #
Big showdown with Nosey tomorrow. Before you go to war, you live life to the fullest. Really turn up the volume.

01:28 PM #
If a few cold ones and Seger's "Roll Me Away" cranked up on a Sunday afternoon doesn't make you feel like a God, you don't deserve the USA.

01:31 PM #
ZZ Top's "Peal Necklace" just came on. Forgot what a nasty sensation it was. Guy humor, carnal desires. Such a jam you guys. Real funky.

02:12 PM #
Dave just said he's been thinkin' about killing himself. That's what happens when you wanna stop drinkin' and start wearing a Forever Lazy.

02:28 PM #
I was Dave, I'd wanna kill myself too. No rockin' pony, no 'rang, crappy 'logne, no babes. What's the point? Just eat a barrel.

02:45 PM #
Wonder how many babes Ted Nugent has made it with today? Probably at least 3. Maybe 4. Gonna tell Dave. Make him really hate himself.

02:49 PM #
When a pal is feelin' down, you have show how much worse the future will be. Makes the present not seem so bad, you guys.

02:54 PM #
If I was gonna kill myself, I'd fly a helicopter into the sun. It'd be badass. Babes would weep for the carnal possibilities they missed.

03:00 PM #
Dave's in his room listening to Dark Side of the Moon. If you're gonna kill yourself, at least do it to Beautiful Loser. Show some class.

05:34 PM #
If you choose to turn to the darkside, do so quietly, and without reservation, you guys.

05:37 PM #
Really diggin' the Creed song, "With Arms Wide Open." Makes alot of sense. Crankin' it on repeat. Gonna stand on the roof...

05:37 PM #
...and let the world know it can kiss my ass, 'cause I'm. The. Man.

05:40 PM #
I'VE GOT THE WORLD BY THE BALLS. EVERYONE CAN KISS MY SMELLY ASS. GO LIONS! I'M GONNA BURY THAT BITCH TOMORROW!!!

05:41 PM #
YOU DON'T MESS AROUND WITH CAPTAIN KARL. I'M THE MAN!!! SUCK MY PEENER!!! Goin' on the roof now.

05:57 PM #
If you're not with me, I could give a fat USA crap about what you think. And that's the bottom line, 'CAUSE STONE COLD KARL WELZEIN SAYS SO.

06:44 PM #
Kiss my ass. If you don't like me. I don't need you. You weak pile of garbage. Go back to your stupid life where people pretend to like you.

06:45 PM #
I'm the friggin' man. YOU SUCK. That's my new motto. Let's roll, you guys.

08:04 PM #
Kiss stealin'. Wheelin' dealin'. Jet flyin'. Limosine ridin'. Stylin' & Proflin'. Son of a gun. Woooo!!! RIP Ric Flair. He was the best.

08:05 PM #
I'VE GOT TO STYLE AND PROFILE LIKE NEVER BEFORE! WOOOOO!!!! Goin back on the roof. Smoke some cigs. I'm the man.

08:54 PM #
Goin' to Deja Vu. Bombed. Who cares. Gotta style and profile. Like never before.