Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Fri Dec 23 2011

01:06 PM #
Wonder what's on tap for the big celebraish? Might have to head out to shop soon. There's still plenty of time to get great gifts at Kohl's.

01:09 PM #
Gonna see what's up with Ann & the kids. Should see the fam at Christmas. Not ideal, but gives 'em a thrill when Santa Karl goes big.

01:10 PM #
When it comes to gifts, I have it down. Always get people what YOU think they should get. Not what THEY want. Makes 'em a better person.

01:15 PM #
Gonna have few cold ones before headin to Kohl's. Helps you deal with all those rude sows fightin for deals. Gotta burn 'em down right away.

01:18 PM #
Kohl's should sell shoppin' brewskis called "Kohl Ones." Maybe put in a bar for guys called "Kohl One City." It'd save relationships.

07:27 PM #
Talked to the manager at Kohl's about "Kohl One City." Didn't get it. Idiot. Had to get in his face. He asked if I was drunk. So rude.

07:29 PM #
The Kohl's manager said he was too busy to hear my idea. I said, "What? Managing KOHL'S? It's a cake job for dropouts!" No vision loser.

07:30 PM #
The Kohl's manager tried to walk away, so I did the arm block and said, "Listen, buddy..." People know you mean biz when you say that.

07:32 PM #
So, I said, "Listen buddy, Kohl One City is a million dollar idea. Don't force me to go to corporate. You'll be managin a Payless, corncob."

07:34 PM #
Security escorted me out of Kohl's. I wasn't kicked out. It's different. I was in the right. The security guard looked embarrassed for him.

07:36 PM #
Gonna have to go back tomorrow. Hope that joker Kohl's manager isn't there. Don't wanna have to show him my moves if it comes to it.

07:38 PM #
Just because it's the holidays, doesn't mean prosperity should come to a halt. Kohl's need a goddamn bar RIGHT NOW, you guys.