Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Sat Dec 31 2011

10:44 AM #
Super pumped for the big 2012 celebraish. Dave said the world's supposed to end. He's such a donkey kicked corncob. "I'm Dave! Durrrrr..."

10:46 AM #
Sure Dave, the world's gonna end 'cause some caveman mexicans figured it out with their sticks & rocks math 20,000 years ago. So stupid.

10:50 AM #
Alot of religious people think the world's gonna end. They're only religious 'cause they're poor. And poors like to find the easy way out.

10:53 AM #
I don't need a dingbat priest to tell me what's right & wrong or when I'm gonna die. When the Big Man needs me up stairs, he'll let me know.

10:56 AM #
Besides, if the world went down in 2012, we'd all keep rockin' in the USA in the sky. In heaven, it's ice cold dollar drafts EVERY night.

11:04 AM #
Lotta rich people pretend to be religious, but it's just a guilty cover up for cheatin, stealin, or touchin young peeners behind the scenes.

11:22 AM #
When rich people use God or the USA to hurt poors, the weak, or kids, we should let The Nuge hunt 'em down with a compound bow for charity.

11:25 AM #
Rich child molesters might think twice if they knew they'd have to answer to Ted Nugent shootin an arrow through their skull, you guys.

11:32 AM #
Told Dave & Peanut we should get a Hummer limo, tuxes, the works. Do it right. Hit ALL the hot spots & take it to the limit, one more time.

03:25 PM #
If you can't turn a blind eye to couple of your pals with drinkin' problems gettin' blackout drunk on NYE, you're just a celebraish hog.

03:28 PM #
I'm gonna make sure Dave and Peanut get so wasted they don't ever want to again. Start the year off right. That's what good friends do.

04:34 PM #
Me & Dave think Seger's Shakedown is the best song to do The Peener to. Peanut keeps telln' us to put on "Big Ol Butt." Don't know that one.

04:59 PM #
Peanut wouldn't shut up about it not bein NYE without Big Ol Butt. Found it for him. He's REALLY into this.

05:00 PM #
Told Peanut I like a righteous stinker as much as the next guy but I just can't watch that LL Cool J buffoon anymore. He's pretty steamed.

05:03 PM #
Great, Peanut just spilled Cold Duck all over his tux & Dave can't get his tie on. Don't have time for this childish crap. Need a bm break.

05:32 PM #
Alright. Made sure the boys both grunted out premies. Feel like I could drink a thousand beers right now. NYE 2012. Let's roll, you guys.

05:34 PM #
Or is it NYE 2011? Can never remember. Either way, USA, let's roll, you guys.