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DadBoner - Tue Jan 03 2012

11:51 AM #
The pad pretty much looks like a ghetto drug house. Was kinda glad to get outta there and go to work. Peanut & Dave are out of control.

11:52 AM #
Thought I could show the boys a nice NYE. Tuxes, Hummer limo, the works. Give 'em a taste of the good life so they could strive for it.

11:54 AM #
5 min after gettin in the Hummer limo, Dave decided he wanted to drive. Then Peanut said "me too!" Stupid. If anyone gets to drive it's me.

12:00 PM #
Peanut tried to climb in the front seat of the Hummer limo, spilled orange pop & gin all over the driver. He got steamed and pulled over.

12:07 PM #
The driver said one more thing and we're out. That's when we heard Dave scream, "Peener Pee!" and was whizzing out the window.

12:09 PM #
When you're in a Hummer limo, you can't just whizz out the window! Show some class. Use a Mountain Dew bottle or something like a gentleman.

12:19 PM #
Had to bribe the driver with TWO 20s to let us stay until we pulled up to Applebees like badasses. Gave him the "Listen Buddy..." approach.

12:30 PM #
10 minutes after we got in trouble with the driver, I look over and Peanut is whizzing out the window on the hood of a car.

12:32 PM #
Pulled Peanut away from the window, but he wasn't through and whizzed all over the limo AND Dave. Peanut makes some rank whizz too.

12:46 PM #
When we got to Applebees, Peanut fell out the limo & split his chin open pretty bad. Kept sayin, "don't worry, I'm clean!"

12:52 PM #
Peanut said he was ok & would just wrap his cucumber over the bloody gash in his face. He meant "cumberbun." Ha! Just like in Family Circus.

01:23 PM #
At Applebee's, I musta took down 4 Top Shelf Long Islands before my Shrimp 'N Parm Sirloin arrived. I bet it was off the chain.

01:26 PM #
After the 4 Applebee's Top Shelf Long Islands, NYE starts to get a little blurry. They go down so smooth, you guys.

01:28 PM #
"Applebee's- There's No Place Like The Neighborhood, to Get Blackout Drunk For A Holiday Celebraish." No such thing as overserved at 'Bee's.

02:19 PM #
Been tryin' to piece together the rest of the NYE celebraish. 1. Remember leavin' Bee's and the Hummer limo bein gone so we went back in.

02:30 PM #
2. Cleared out a few tables to make a dance floor. Dave started gettin' in faces sayin' It was time for a "Peener Off."

02:37 PM #
3. I found Peanut in the 'Bee's kitchen eatin' trash lefties singin that LL Cool J Big Ol Butt song to a waitress. Had to drag him out.

02:39 PM #
4. Definitely remember a hefty bag hittin' Dave in the plumbing for tellin' her to get on the dance floor and "feel his peen power."

02:43 PM #
5. Think we got escorted out after I tried to jump over the bar to work my Cocktail moves. Fell pretty hard. Lucky I like 'Bee's or I'd sue.