Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Thu Jan 12 2012

10:32 AM #
Really lookin' forward to the weekend, you guys.

11:13 AM #
Sent in my Dr. Pepper review to a few publications. Super pumped. Hard to pay attention at work. Think I got a good shot a new career.

11:28 AM #
Took a few hours, but I found the website for Esquire magazine. Then have an article called Eat Like A Man. Really dig the vibe.

11:53 AM #
Used my email account to shoot this babe Elizabeth Gunnison a shout. See if she wants me on the Esquire team. Can't wait to hear back.

11:53 AM #
"Hey Elizabeth. Karl Welzein here from Grand Blanc, MI. Saw you dig eats, and well, I'm a bold flavor man myself. From WAY back.

11:54 AM #
Anyway, me and my pals Homeless Peanut and Dave got into a perty heated argument over Dr. Pepper 10 the other night. Dave said it rocked,

11:55 AM #
...and I said it was for corncobs. I knew I was right 'cause Dave is an idiot. So I decided to try and get in the review game.

11:55 AM #
Think I could really help people in this crazy world we call, "life." Would love if you took a look at my article, and maybe you could...

11:56 AM #
...put it in your mag. Always dig a gents' publication on the john, and especially enjoy when you guys show off a smokin' babe.

11:56 AM #
I don't subscribe Esquire myself (I'm more of a Penthouse man, it's more carnal) but sometimes Ken leaves it in the can.

11:57 AM #
He thinks he's better than everyone. So stupid. Ken doesn't have a 'rang OR a rockin' pony. I KNOW you'll dig it this...

11:58 AM #
...if you give it a chance. Regards, Karl "Captain Karl" Welzein

11:58 AM #
P.S.- I might be on Kanyo West's new supermind team, so now would be a great chance to take advantage of my ideas before I'm a millionaire.

11:59 AM #
PPS- I also might be openin' my new restaurant, "Captain Karl's Pizza Ship" real soon, and would love you come by for your personal review.

11:59 AM #
Maybe we could take down a few top shelf margs, and then, who knows?"

12:58 PM #
Snagged an ice cold trunk brew from the 'Bring. Gonna enjoy it real slow on the john. Why chase a dream without a little celebraish?

01:03 PM #
Cold ones always go down SO smooth when you're sneakin' one in the john. Sippin' it slow & easy while plottin & schemin your next big move.

09:23 PM #
Waited around all night for word from Esquire or GQ or anybody really about my review. Feelin' bummed. Peanut can tell. He's like a dog.

09:25 PM #
Peanut put his arm around me and said, "You bluin" K-Money?" and offered me some of his Mad Dog. From Peanut, it's a pretty kind gesture.

09:26 PM #
Sick of not being appreciated. Maybe tyin a good ol' fashioned one on late night with Peanut is just what the Dr. ordered. Like old times.