Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Fri Jan 13 2012

11:52 AM #
"Oh baby, you! You got what I need! But you say it's just a Friday! But you say it's just a Friday!" Great commersh! Happy Friday, you guys.

11:57 AM #
Really draggin' today. Stayed up until 4am drinkin Mad Dog with Peanut. No shower. Now I know why homeless people look and smell homeless.

12:04 PM #
Gonna go wash my pits with hand soap in the john. Gotta keep your body fresh on the outside even if the inside feels like a clogged toilet.

01:04 PM #
Wanna die from drinkin' garbage sauce with Peanut all night. No wonder homeless people don't have jobs. Maybe it's not their fault?

01:06 PM #
When you're homeless, drinkin' cheap liquor all night IS your job. Can't be expected to go to a real one too. A man can't work 24 hrs.

03:02 PM #
JUST GOT WORD ON MY PERSONAL EMAIL ACCOUNT THAT MY DR. PEPPER TEN REVIEW GOT PASSED ON TO THE EDITORS OF ESQUIRE MAG! TIME FOR A CELEBRAISH!

03:04 PM #
Gonna really shove my success in Dave's stupid face. Peanut was the only one who supported me. Takin' him out to get loose tonight!

03:06 PM #
Me & Peanut (not Dave) will be ro-ckin' in-to the night. Rockin' into the night! (not Dave) Goin' all out. Top shelf everything. The works.

03:07 PM #
If a house gets in my way, baby. You know I'll burn it down, you guys.

03:11 PM #
Maybe everything changed when I got plastered with Homeless Peanut? Can't appreciate touchin' the sky without knowin' what rock bottom is.