Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Sun Jan 22 2012

10:42 AM #
After we tape a trash bag over the broken window, today's all about cold ones, bold eats, and NFL football. Gimme an Aw Hell Yeah!

10:47 AM #
Looks like that Sandusky corncob killed a beloved old timer with his bathtime shenanigans. Love to get my mitts on him behind the scenes.

11:04 AM #
Jerry Sandusky is the biggest piece of trash that ever lived. And that's the bottom line, 'cause Stone Cold Karl Welzein said so.

01:46 PM #
Just finished makin my KARL 3:16 tee. Used 2 bottles of whiteout on a black Hanes. Smells kinda rank but really off the chain. AW HELL YEAH!

03:41 PM #
Dave just came out of the bathroom with a shirt that says, "DAVE 3:16." Really p.o.'d. Peanut said, "Dave jockin' yo swag, K-Money!"

03:43 PM #
Oh my god. Dave wrote "DAVE 3:16" on one of MY Big Dogs tee's turned inside out. Said he didn't want to ruin one of his. So steamed.

03:51 PM #
Can't even look at Dave right now. Just tryin' to focus on the game. Makin some Pizza Rolls. They calm any violent rage situation.

05:22 PM #
Went in the john for 5-15 minutes. When I came out, Dave had eaten half my Pizza Rolls. 'Bout to open up a can of whup-ass.

06:34 PM #
Why does Eli Manning always make a face like he's either gonna cry or just smelled some dog doo real close to his nose?

06:44 PM #
Dave just said, "I shoulda played football. I'm pretty much the toughest son of a bitch I know." Sick of him actin' like he's a badass.

06:50 PM #
Dave's "DAVE 3:16" shirt is goin to his head. He said, "Man, I get so pumped during a big game. Feel like I wanna kick some ass."

06:53 PM #
Sick of Dave showing off in front of Peanut like he's the man. I'M the man. Not Dave. Gonna do some shots of Crown. I gotta chillax.

08:13 PM #
Dave said, "get me a cold one, ya piece of trash." Lost my temper. Gave him a Stone Cold Stunner. Destroyed the coffee table.

08:15 PM #
Peanut freaked out and took off. Dave went in his room and slammed the door. Think he's cryin. Feel bad. Don't know my own strength.

08:19 PM #
Karl 3:16 says I just whupped Dave's ass. Feel like I didn't have a choice. Sometimes, street justice has to be served, you guys.

08:22 PM #
Might go for a walk. Try to clear my head. Need time to think. Pretty bombed. Hope Dave doesn't sue. It's tough bein a lonely renegade.