Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Thu Jan 26 2012

10:38 AM #
Really lookin' forward to the weekend, you guys.

11:53 AM #
Weekend's pretty much wide open. Nothin' on tap yet. Be good to have a break before the big Super Bowl celebraish. Get my affairs in order.

12:05 PM #
Still gotta send in my displeasures to Esquire magazine for making me suffer. I blame 'em for almost destroying my friendship with Dave.

12:07 PM #
Dear Esquire, Captain Karl here. I know you probably thought you could just take a crap on my Dr. Pepper 10 review and I'd just go away.

12:09 PM #
But that's not how I operate, kimosabe. See, when you got me all pumped for puttin me on your internet, I bet Dave a steak dinner that...

12:19 PM #'d give me the voice I deserve to have heard. When you didn't, I had to call him "King Dave" like some lowlife slave. Real degrading.

12:21 PM #
Guess you just like to make assumptions about the little guy, Esquire. If you ain't part of the high fashion lifestyle, you don't count.

12:23 PM #
I got news for you, Esquire. Real macho men like ol' Karl make this damn rock spin round and round. Real America. The truth and the light.

12:24 PM #
I don't need to buy fashion, 'cause I style and profile. Kohl's does me just fine, with great value to boot. Nothin' wrong with savings.

12:25 PM #
Tensions ran pretty high after you let me down. Peanut almost hit the bricks. Then I smashed Dave's face with a stunner. Then I...

12:26 PM #
...accidentally stunned poor Peanut in the work parking lot. Why? You bent me outta shape and when I get bent outta shape, I'm...

12:27 PM #
...gonna take my foot, turn that son've bitch sideways and shove it up somebody's ass. You're not here Esquire, so other asses it had to be.

12:29 PM #
You owe ME an apology. You owe DAVE an apology. And you owe POOR HOMELESS PEANUT an apology. And don't think I don't...

12:30 PM #
...know why you didn't run my Dr. Pepper 10 review. Has to be that Esquire is some no balls sissy mag that's in cahoots with no balls pops.

12:31 PM #
And that's the bottom line, 'cause Stone Cold Karl Welzein said so, ya piece of trash. Regards, Karl Welzein

11:08 PM #
Really nothin' goin' on this weekend. Wonder what Ann's up to? Might have to reach out.