Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Sat Mar 03 2012

12:08 AM #
Bud Light Paltinums hve bold flavro taste and bold flavor alot of booze. I'm pretty drunk. Ok, I'm drunk. Budweisers! Keepin in rockin!!

12:12 AM #
I should be sleep but man sometiemes you just gotta keep rockin. Might eat some toast & ranch. screw it, woerk out my bod tomororw.

12:14 AM #
everybody who aint on the captain karl ship can kiss my ass. here's my ass. kiss it. (smooch) thanks! bold flaovors

12:20 AM #
I gotta really say, "Great job with the BL Plats. Blue bottle. Gets you reall mesed up AND super lo cal for health.

12:21 AM #
"Bud Light platinum: Taste that booze on your diet."

12:24 AM #
Goinon the outside. Gonna take a whizz on everything and scream at the sky cause I got that feelin to give it to the gods! bud light paltim!

12:28 PM #
Really hurtin' today, you guys. Guess things got a little out of hand.

12:29 PM #
Had a note on our door this mornin that said, "Please refrain from urinating on our car. Next time we'll be calling the police."

12:32 PM #
If you don't remember takin a whizz on someone's car, who's to say it really happened? Coulda been someone who looks like me. Who knows?

12:44 PM #
Looks like I wrote "HARDEE'S!" on the coffee table in black Sharpie. Guess I wanted to take a roadie to Hardee's. Think that makes sense?

12:49 PM #
Looks like I got a couple BL 'Nums. left. Might have to patch up. It's Saturday. Can't waste it feelin' like dog crap. Gotta take advantage.

12:54 PM #
Sure, BL 'Nums have bold taste, but it really takes a backseat to makin you loaded. That's what it's for. I'm not stupid. Just tell us that.

12:58 PM #
Who's drinkin' a pile of BL 'Nums just for flavor? No one. "Oh, I can't get enough of this taste!" Advertisers should be more honest.

01:01 PM #
If I was writin ads for BL 'Nums, man, they'd sell a crapload. "BL 'Nums: Goes down smooth. Makes you blackout. Good times, great value."

01:07 PM #
"If you're not gonna get tore up on Friday, why do you even have Saturday off?" -BL 'Nums, blackout with bold taste in a cool bottle.

02:06 PM #
With BL 'Nums, you'll be takin' a whizz on someone else's property real soon. Tell 'em Captain Karl sent ya.