Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Mon Mar 12 2012

11:05 AM #
Somethin' really awful happened this mornin, you guys.

11:19 AM #
Found Homeless Peanut dead inside the 'Bring this mornin'.

11:37 AM #
Had to call the police. Wanted to know "my relation to Peanut." Told him, we were "brothers in swag." Didn't get what I meant. So steamed.

11:44 AM #
I just hope heaven has room for a Homeless Peanut. The sweetest black angel. Draped in purple velvet and gold. Mad swag, forever and ever.

11:47 AM #
Don't know why the Big Man would do this. Sometimes he just don't want you have nothin. Even your homeboys. Taketh away? I smack you down.

11:51 AM #
Sent Dave to Kroger for a weekender and some 40s. Don't know if they even have enough to pour out for Peanut. He said I was his N-word.

12:12 PM #
When you find a dead pal inside your car, it's a sign that you need to take some time off to reflect. Called work to tell 'em that.

12:24 PM #
My life ain't justified by what is given and what is taken away. But why I existed in spite of it all, you guys. Go hard. Never stop. USA.

12:28 PM #
Peanut's death might be just what doctor ordered to take control of my life back. Lookin' for God? Look to thy self. Pull your own strings.

12:30 PM #
And if a house gets in your way, baby. Burn it down.

12:58 PM #
Gonna head to Taco Bell. Peanut used to eat out of the dumpster there. Gotta order inside though. Peanut would've wanted it that way.

01:54 PM #
Got 5 Doritos Locos Tacos from the Bell. So bold. Can't believe it's taken this long. Headin back for more. Gotta take advantage, you guys.

02:37 PM #
Took down 5 more Loco D'reets. Grievin' so hard. Bold Bell flavors to the rescue.

02:43 PM #
Gotta thank the Lord for blessin me with 'Bell tacos, made outta D'reets on the same day I found one'a my best pals, icy cold from death.

03:09 PM #
Just when you think the world is filled with nothin' but rancid sadness, The Bell knocks Loco D'reets outta the park. Thanks, Taco Bell.

03:12 PM #
The Bell really changed the food game with their Loco D'Reets. BK should come out with a Funyun Whopper.

03:14 PM #
Kinda gives me hope that The Bell is doin fine with D'reets. Makes me think the Pizza Ship woulda had a chance with "Cheetos on Anything."

03:23 PM #
When the Big Man takes someone away, it's time to look at who's responsible. And punish them with street justice.

03:26 PM #
Wonder if I did somethin? Or Dave? Hope not. Probably Ann sendin out her bad vibes about my life. Killed Peanut. Gotta respect the universe.

03:56 PM #
Why did Peanut have to die? He was good people. So sad when there's rapists and murderers walkin' around. And that Rick Santorum corncob.

03:59 PM #
God, we'd gladly trade you Rick Santorum, that Penn State fella who likes the soapy underage showers, AND Chris Brown, for Homeless Peanut.

06:53 PM #
Just caught some z's. Woke up confused. Remembered Peanut is dead. Dave came over & silently gave me a cold one. Still in shock.

06:56 PM #
Went to get in the 'Bring. Smells like a homeless guy died in there. 'Cause one did. Gonna need some detailing done.

07:03 PM #
Gonna make up a batch of my top shelf margs. (Special grieving recipe) Orderin a Papa J's. Supreme. Gotta stay strong.

07:05 PM #
When a pal passes away, it's important to keep shovin it in and dumpin it down 'til you're ready to deal with your feelings.