Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Fri Mar 30 2012

11:28 AM #
"I wanna be a Fridaaay bay-beee! With the top let back and the sunshine shinin!" (That's an old Kid Rock jam.) Happy Friday to ya, you guys!

11:31 AM #
Sure, Kid Rock can be a little raunchy, but it's just some guy humor, perfect for a celebraish. Nothin' wrong with a few adult laughs.

12:11 PM #
Finally got my letter to Arb's finished. Had to get caught up on the Timehouse project first. Feels good to be productive, you guys.

12:22 PM #
To: The Head Honchos at Arby's, Greetings. Karl Welzein here. Been meaning to get in touch for a few, but I've been busy with a...

12:23 PM #
...top secret publishing project. Real hush hush, but I'm sure you'll hear about it soon. Me and my main man Dave could be the next...

12:25 PM #
...big wigs in "intelligent carnal passions." (wink). Anywho, I should start off by sayin' that I've been a big fan of Arb's since way back.

12:34 PM #
From the Jamocha shakes, to your Horsey & Arb's Sauce? Always top notch. Arb's was one of the innovators in the bold flavor game.

12:36 PM #
Whether I had a big appetite, or just needed a loose BM in a time of physical flushin' for health, the Arb's neon cowboy was always there.

12:38 PM #
However, lately, Arb's has been lettin' me down. The big campaign about "It's good mood food?" Well, it makes people violent.

12:40 PM #
As a valued customer, I shouldn't have feelings of chokin out the fella in your advertisements. It's not good mood anything. It's dangerous.

12:42 PM #
Recently, on a trip to my local Arb's, I was asked to leave by the manager for given him a dose of the "good mood" jingle. Why is it ok...

12:44 PM #
...for that corncob to blare through my tv but I can't sing it for 20 minutes in YOUR establishment. Makes zero sense from a business model.

12:47 PM #
Also, I was asked to not drink my Greyhound I brought from home by the manager at Arb's. Is that a new policy? Seems like an oversight.

12:55 PM #
Please Arby's, if we're not allowed to consume adult beverages from home in your establishment, at least post something in the john.

12:57 PM #
Being a possible restauranteur in the future, I know how difficult it is to manage an off the chain eatery. We all have issues and secrets.

12:58 PM #
Sure, Arby's roast beef is just a big brown thin sliced all beef hot dog. And there's nothin wrong with that after it blows your mind.

01:00 PM #
Also, Arby's make you blow out some of the biggest, healthiest BM's in the world. And that's a good thing. It's Asian to focus on digestion.

01:05 PM #
But if you don't stop with the terrible jingle and replace it with somethin rockin, the whole Arb's biz could be in the toilet real soon.

01:11 PM #
I only write because I care with passion for Arb's. Let's guy to guy soon? All the best, Karl Welzein. Editor At Large, Timehouse Magazine.

01:17 PM #
P.S.- Ever think of servin' BL 'Nums? A 2 Beef & Cheddar, Curly Fry, 3 BL 'Num super combo could be a smash hit. "It's food that rocks!!!"

07:22 PM #
Feel like my life is really on track. Pumped for the NCAA celebraish at Ken's tomorrow. Gonna shove it in everyone's face. Gotta go hard.

07:25 PM #
Bringin' Ken over some BL 'Nums, Loco D'Reets, copies of Timehouse, Triscuits & Mayo. It's gonna rock! The works, really. Full spread.

07:32 PM #
Takin' it easy tonight. Really charge up. Just a few BL 'Nums since I got plenty for tomorrow, then hittin' the sack. Gotta be responsible.

07:34 PM #
Can't wait 'til Ken sees how hard I party now. He's gonna be like, "Whoa, I gotta tell everyone at work. Karl's pretty much the man."