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DadBoner - Sun May 13 2012

11:41 AM #
Dave wanted to go on a solo babe hunt last night. Guess he was worried he didn't shine enough next to my K-Money swag. Understandable.

11:50 AM #
Dave came back with a buncha numbers and "names" on scrap paper. Said he really cleaned up. He wasn't even wasted. Babes don't like that.

11:53 AM #
When Dave went in the john, I went through his "babe numbers." One name was "Tomato?!" Called the number, it was for a Tim Hortons. Idiot.

11:55 AM #
You can't get steamy with babes you make up. That's just a solo carnal passions situaish, no matter what lies you tell to yourself.

11:58 AM #
Wonder what Ann's got planned for Mom's Day? Probably down in the dumps I'm not there. Bet she'll call, beggin' for ol Karl to save the day.

12:00 PM #
When you think about it, Mom's Day is just as much about the Dads. No Dads = no Moms. Hope Ann's not so petty she can't give me a ring.

02:25 PM #
Still no call from Ann. Pretty steamed. So disrespectful. After all I've done in the past. Giant cards, chocolate roses. The works, really.

02:28 PM #
Dave went to visit his mom. Didn't say he was, but he was wearin' his best Chaps polo that she says makes him look "so handsome."

02:30 PM #
Frankly, I'm glad Ann hasn't bothered me to come over. Pretty happy Dave's gone too. Might have a lil' "Karl's Day" celebraish. WELL earned.

02:35 PM #
Know what's better than family time? ME time. On my watch, it's always cold one o'clock, you guys.

02:40 PM #
Headin' to the store for supplies. Anyone want anything? Oh yeah, it's just me. I'll get whatever I want then. Ha! Yep, havin' me a Sunday!

03:41 PM #
Got some BL Margs, BL Nums, Dean's French Onion & Better Mades, Koegels for grillin', AND a fresh bottle of 'Bu for Cocoa Tans. Full spread.

03:42 PM #
Man, Dave's gonna be so P.O.'d when he finds out how hard I partied for "Karl's Day." Might have to call him later. Shove it in his face.

05:25 PM #
These Cocoa Tans are goin' down so smooth. Like an island paradise in my mouth. Gonna call Dave. Let him know how he's missin' out.

07:33 PM #
Dave never picked up. Called about 10 times. Left a bunch of fart sound messages. That's guy code for "you're really missin' a celebraish."

07:35 PM #
Might call Ann. See if her Mom's Day is as rockin' as "Karl's Day." Really make her jealous. I'm the man.

08:12 PM #
Accidentally left a fart sound message on Ann's machine. Was just in such a groove from callin' Dave. Kinda bombed. Might call back.

08:53 PM #
Called Ann back. Left her a message, "Sorry I made beef sounds on your machine. Thought you were Dave. Long story. Call me if ya wanna rap."

08:55 PM #
Wonder if Ann even checks her machine anymore? Probably no reason since I left the picture. I was the one in demand. Might call back.

09:40 PM #
Called Ann back. No answer. Callin' back. Maybe the dishwasher is on too loud for her to hear the phone?

09:52 PM #
Sick of this. Callin' Ann back again. MAKIN' FART SOUNDS INTO THE PHONE LIKE NEVER BEFORE! You don't disrespect me on Karl's Day!

10:18 PM #
Told Ann's machine, "PBBBBTBPBTTTPBBBTTTPBBTT!!! You're messin' with a real maniac over here! I got the moves! YOU'RE MISSIN'OUT SO HARD!!!"

10:28 PM #
So sick of this.