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DadBoner - Tue May 29 2012

11:32 AM #
Really hurtin' today. Coulda used an extra day off to rest up. Work doesn't understand how productivity works. I like to be at 100%.

11:45 AM #
Just caught up with my man Ken in the john. Asked him how his weekend was. Didn't answer. Just coughed. Must be backed up. Guy code.

11:46 AM #
Told Ken all about my trip to Indy. When you're gruntin' on a stiff one, sometimes a good story helps loosin' up the situaish, guy to guy.

11:51 AM #
The drive started out rockin' on Saturday. Seger, G&T's, checkin' out Timehouse. Then Dave got a "roader." Got real quiet for a while.

11:57 AM #
When you're on a car trip, it's natural to get a "roader." Driven drifts the mind to thoughts of carnal passions. We've all been there.

11:59 AM #
If you get a roader, just place the adult mag over your business area until it goes away. Never fiddle with it. It's bad manners, you guys.

12:03 PM #
When we got to Indy, Dave didn't read the map right. Circled the city 3 times. Alot of bad language was used. Car smelled like a barnyard.

12:08 PM #
The hotel "spot" Dave said he knew about was all booked. It's was just a Comfort Inn he heard had "free hot breakfast" on TV. Idiot.

12:13 PM #
Slept in the 'Bring in the Comfort Inn parking lot. Travel tip: They never say "free hot breakfast" is only for if you stay "inside."

12:27 PM #
Snuck in for the free hot breakfast and to use the pool for bathin' in the mornin'. Gotta recommend the Comfort Inn parkin' lot accomodaish.

12:32 PM #
Got to Indy a little later than expected. Wasn't really any good spots left. Plus, we kinda forgot to bring chairs or a table or a blanket.

12:36 PM #
Was exhausted from draggin' around the coolers and dirty 30s. All the ice melted. Decided to just post up on the ground, kimosabe style.

12:40 PM #
Barely got out my Bratato salad and some babe stepped in it. Told her, "it's cool, let's see them chest beefers." Dumped a beer on Dave. Ha!

12:43 PM #
Me and Dave decided to do some shots of Crown to be loose and conversational. Dave puked up his third one. He's bad at talkin'.

12:49 PM #
Told Dave I was goin' on a babe hunt and to watch our stash. When it comes to peepin' babes, I scope nothin' but premium, consensual gals.

01:04 PM #
When I got back, Dave was standin' on someone's table, throwin' our cold ones out like Stone Cold. So wasteful. It was my idea to do that.

01:06 PM #
Tried to climb up on the table to stop Dave. Show 'em how Captain Karl does things. Everyone (and babes) was really into it. ME, not Dave.

01:09 PM #
Started crashin' cold ones into each other and poundin' 'em like Stone Cold. I got the moves down from practicin'. Dave tried to copy me.

01:13 PM #
Got real steamed at Dave for bein' in my spotlight. Tried to stun him. Kinda botched it. Crashed hard on some corncob with a buncha steaks.

01:17 PM #
The corncob really blew his top. Started screamin', "MY STEAKS! MY STEAKS!" It was an accident that was Dave's fault, obviously.

01:48 PM #
Plus, everyone was goin' wild for it. Told him not to be so selfish. His wife started yellin' at him. And Dave wasn't gettin' up.

01:50 PM #
Dave kept sayin' that his arm was broken. Told him ice it but he just ran off to a porta john. Not really a place for medical attention.

01:53 PM #
Wanted to stay and party with my fans. Started poundin' Crown with some dude named, Dusty. Told him we should see if Guy Fieri was around.

01:56 PM #
I got peeled in the back of the head with a cold one. It seemed good natured though. Played it cool. Dusty said, "Holy sh*t." Little blood.

01:57 PM #
Told Dusty to watch my celebraish spread and I'd go get Guy to kick up the bold flavors. He seemed confused. Gave him the "wink and point."

01:59 PM #
Guess I got a little overheated. Forgot sunscreen. Woke up in the middle of chaos, and had an accident. Might have been whizzed on though?

02:07 PM #
Pretty sure I partied with some babes after I woke up with wet pants. Don't remember much, but that's usually how I roll, so I gotta assume.

02:08 PM #
Found Dave by the 'Bring with his "broken arm" (still up for debate). Went back to The Comfort Inn parkin' lot for some r&r. Had a blast.

02:11 PM #
Ken finally came out of the stall. He said, "Karl, you're just..." then trailed off. Probably jealous of my celebraish. Ha!

02:16 PM #
If you go for a road trip on an American holiday weekend and don't come home in serious pain with dried pee pants, why even leave the house?