Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Wed May 30 2012

10:32 AM #
Hardly got any sleep last night. Dave kept gettin' up to moan & groan 'cause he "thinks" his arm is "broken." Wouldn't you "know?"

10:39 AM #
If Dave was in better shape he'd be fine. It was just a Stone Cold Stunner. Happens. It's a man's duty to be ready for anything physically.

10:49 AM #
Got 3 Beefy 'Cho Bureets from The Bell. Went down so smooth. Wonder why they didn't put D'reets in 'em? Could been even bolder.

10:52 AM #
I been crushin' up D'reets on my dogs, tacs, hamburgs, and anything really, for years. The Bell should know they didn't "invent" anything.

10:54 AM #
If I worked at The Bell, I'd call it, "The Beefer D'reet Bureet" and sell like a million in 5 minutes. But, no one asked me. Their loss.

10:58 AM #
Puttin' Cheetos on anything is mine. If that corncob bank manager woulda gave me the loan for Captain Karl's Pizza Ship, I'd be wealthy.

11:02 AM #
No one ever listens to me. Sick of this. When it comes to power moves in eats, fashion, babes, and booze, I'm the man. I just need a break.

11:06 AM #
I gotta really focus on my Guy Fieri fashion line again. Could be big. Then I'd tell work to pucker up for my ass like it's their Grandma.

12:01 PM #
In America, the key to success is, always be workin' harder to get out of your job, than you're supposed to be workin' at it, you guys.

12:06 PM #
Goin' to draw some more Guy Fieri fashions in my car. You don't chase a dream. You hunt it down, wait for your shot, and pull the trigger.