Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Thu May 31 2012

11:00 AM #
Really lookin' forward to the weekend, you guys.

01:23 PM #
Dave's really milkin' this whole "broken arm" thing. Hogged the couch all night, eatin' hot dog buns like breadsticks. No class.

01:49 PM #
Dave said, "When I'm hurtin', I just like a nice, plain, 8 pack of hot dog buns. Soft food is more nourishing." Idiot.

01:52 PM #
Told Dave he should go to the hospital if his arm is "broken." He said, "I don't got health insurance. Gonna tough it out, cowboy style."

01:56 PM #
And, Dave's been usin' my best Tabasco tie for a sling. What if I have an important event?! So inconsiderate. Somethin' could come up.

02:12 PM #
Told Dave to go to the free clinic if insurance was an issue. Said he "can't 'cause you can get an STD there from the john." Good point.

02:18 PM #
Dave said a pal went to the free clinic for a smashed finger, BM'd in the john, his business touched the seat, now his peener feels on fire.

02:20 PM #
In a government owned building, you don't take a BM without a proper man's nest. That's straight outta the john rule book, you guys.

02:25 PM #
Never trusted the public toilet seat covers. I need a piled high TP man's nest. My backdoor, peener & veggies deserve the finest protection.

06:28 PM #
Dave won't shut his mouth about his "broken arm." Sick of this. I'm tryin' to relax in Cold One City, not in Wussville, population: Dave.

06:32 PM #
"I'm Dave. You broke my arm. Get me Taco Bell? My arm hurts. Oh god, my arm. FARRRT. Get me a cold one? Open my cold one..." That's Dave.

06:50 PM #
So steamed. If I wanted to hear this much whining, I'd take my son to Chili's and make him eat somethin' off the adult menu. Never again.

06:52 PM #
Takin' my cold ones, goin' to sit in the 'Bring. Get some peace and quiet. So sick of this.