Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Mon Jun 04 2012

12:50 PM #
Finally rapped with Dave about what happened on Saturday. Guess I blacked out? Don't remember that either.

12:53 PM #
Dave said I ripped the rest of his toothpaste cast off and said, "Bad boys don't NEED casts!" Then tore it to shreds in front of some babes.

12:56 PM #
Guess I tried to order a quadruple Cocoa Tan and they said no, then I got steamed 'cause I wanted to save trips to the bar. Makes sense?

12:58 PM #
If you can't walk very well and might be blacked out, it's polite to order bigger, stronger drinks so you don't disturb others at the bar.

01:00 PM #
I have manners. I know when it's time to play the wall real cool 'cause my body's shuttin down. If a babe's interested, she'll get at me.

01:04 PM #
Dave said I kept scream singin' the "Drink In My Hand" song even when it wasn't on. Wish it got taped! Babes love a strong loud & proud guy.

01:09 PM #
Guess I took my shirt off and they asked me to leave. Doesn't sound right. Seems like the opposite would happen. Especially late night.

01:15 PM #
Dave said I drove to Taco Bell, then got in a fight in the drive-thru 'cause they never heard of Beefer D'reet Burreets. Understandable.

01:20 PM #
If Taco Bell wants to stay open late, they should smash together WHATEVER you want, shut up, and take your money. I got no time for games.

01:23 PM #
Guess I got all up in the Taco Bell drive-thru guy's face and demanded 40 sauce packets if they wouldn't make what I wanted. Power move.

01:25 PM #
What Taco Bell doesn't WANT you to know, is if you have Taco Bell hot sauce, you can make anything into Taco Bell. It's their dirty secret.

01:28 PM #
I made that corncob gimme a nice bag of Taco Bell sauce packets. Been eatin' it on 'tato chips all day. Taco Bell 'tato chips. Real custom.

03:32 PM #
Got home and Dave's just walkin' around normal like his arm's not broken anymore. Knew he was lying. Just wanted to make me feel bad.

03:35 PM #
Asked Dave, "I though your arm was broken?" He said, "Oh. I forgot. You get any cold ones?" Forgot?! You don't just forget a broken arm!

04:01 PM #
Dave's such a stupid liar. If you're gonna lie, you gotta take it to the grave. That's the smart way. Let it die with you, like priests do.

04:06 PM #
When priests dies, all their lies are forgiven, so they don't have to tell the truth to church people. Why I just go direct to the Big Man.

04:13 PM #
When it comes to prayin, I don't need no go between. Showboatin just cancels out your secret wishes. Goin' have a talk with God in the john.