Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Wed Jun 13 2012

11:42 AM #
Wonder what Ann & the kids have planned for Dad's Day? Kinda blew it last year. This might be the last chance before I hit the bricks.

11:54 AM #
The fam owes me big this year for all my years of service. Maybe somethin' cool like an engraved watch?

12:03 PM #
'Cause once I sign those divorce papers, it's adios. Dad's Day'll be just another day for them instead of a rockin' celebraish.

01:53 PM #
Made a "hint hint" Dad's Day list for Ann & the kids. Don't wanna get a buncha stupid crap. Gotta take advantage. http://t.co/oAJlErDw

01:58 PM #
Haven't really been in touch with the fam. They don't know my new tastes. Gotta shove it in their face with my wish list. Sendin' it over.

02:09 PM #
Told Ann, "Don't be afraid to go all out for Dad's Day. Could be the last one before we're DONE. Show some class, babe." Power move.

03:25 PM #
Can't stop thinkin' 'bout my Dad's Day wish list. Man, I pick out great gifts.

03:35 PM #
Nothin' says you're the #1 bad boy partier in town like a new chainsaw and a Margaritaville booze maker, you guys.

03:43 PM #
Shouldn't ever buy yourself a chainsaw. Looks suspicious if there's an accident. If it a was a gift you just say, "Officer, it was a gift."

04:53 PM #
Showed Dave my Dad's Day wish list. He said, "Whoa, wish I was a Dad." No, no you don't, Dave. No one who is, actually does.

04:57 PM #
Told Dave, bein' a Dad isn't like on tv. In real life, everyone thinks you're a corncob, no matter how hard you rock. It's pretty unfair.

05:05 PM #
Those kids woulda never hung out with Tim Tool Man in real life. They'd say, "Daddy, you stink." then go read a stupid book in their room.

05:26 PM #
Dad's Day gifts are pretty much a yearly family apology. "Here ya go. Sorry we're holdin' you back from bein' a man."