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DadBoner - Fri Jun 29 2012

12:05 PM #
Happy Friday to ya, you guys.

12:09 PM #
Went over to Ann's last night. Tim McGraw 'logne on thick. Cocoa tan on point. Sleeves not on my shirt. Ready for carnal action.

12:12 PM #
Ann wouldn't even let me in the house. Said it was a "bad idea" and to "just please leave the divorce papers" and "are you drunk?"

12:14 PM #
There's a big difference between "drunk" and "loose and conversational." "Drunk" is "after 9pm." Loose and conversational is "other times."

12:20 PM #
Told Ann I needed to pick up my Dad's Day gifts, and if she wanted to get carnal, I was down, and unresistable, if she'd let me in close.

12:22 PM #
My son came to the door, stickin' his wand through the crack sayin', "Daddy! Come in for some magic!" That's what I was tryin' to do. Idiot.

12:30 PM #
Then he started blabbin' about how he got some good grade at day camp. No one cares! That's not REAL school. Just wastin' my time.

12:34 PM #
Told my son, "Maybe if you didn't worry so much about stupid magic and grades and more about how you're helpin tear me and you mom apart...

12:35 PM #
...I'd be on the other side of the door havin' private adult time with her, and you'd be in the yard playin' a sport!" Shut him down.

12:42 PM #
Ann said, "Karl, if you want the boxes you sent here, they're on the back deck. Just take 'em and leave." Didn't even wanna see my chainsaw!

12:49 PM #
Could tell Ann meant business. Was clutchin' the cordless phone like she did anytime she'd see a black person on our street.

12:53 PM #
Took my boombox and chainsaw and hit the bricks. SO steamed. My son blew it! No way me and Ann weren't gettin' butt naked! I WAS ON POINT!

12:55 PM #
Who knows. My son stickin' his nose in our conversation mighta stopped us from gettin' back together. Hope he remembers that. Forever.

01:00 PM #
I peeled outta Ann's so hard. Did a neutral drop and everything. Kinda hit the curb, but still, it was hot and nasty. Really sent a message.

01:18 PM #
Nosey Lady just said Tom Cruise is havin' troubles with his old lady. Whoa. Sure would like to have a guy to guy. He'd understand.

01:20 PM #
I mean Tom Cruise is a Hollywood playboy. And I've got a pretty good rep in the Mid-Michigan area. Maybe we could swap babe stories?

01:23 PM #
Dave told me once time that Tom Cruise was into guys. So stupid. Ever see "Days of Thunder?" No one's THAT great an actor.

01:30 PM #
Bet there's an APB goin' out to babes all over the world right now, lettin' 'em know Tom Cruise is back. Lock up your daughters! Ha!

01:43 PM #
Macho bad boys like Tom Cruise & me go together with babes like boloney and cheese. That's a natural fact, you guys.

02:00 PM #
Ken said Tom Cruise can't say he's gay 'cause of Sciencetology. So stupid. Told him, "No, that's if your Catholic."

02:04 PM #
Ken got kinda steamed and said, "I'm Catholic! You think I'M gay?!" Told him, "I couldn't care less. I'm into babes, 24/7. Open on Sundays."

02:12 PM #
If you aren't hurtin' nobody, religions should just let folks be themselves. They usually don't. That's why I go direct to the Big Man.

02:19 PM #
Had enough crap this week. I'm hittin' the bricks to Cold One City, USA. Sendin' vibes to all the babes from coast to coast, you guys.