Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Fri Jul 06 2012

10:45 AM #
Really lookin' forward to the weekend, you guys.

11:01 AM #
Whoa, today is Friday?! I guess if you do the math, it all adds up! Super pumped.

11:03 AM #
Woke up on the john floor yesterday when it was time to go home. Ken just came in and kicked my feet. Said, "Karl?!" Thought I was dead. Ha!

11:12 AM #
Shouldn't have had to work on the 5th. I COULD'VE died. Bet a buncha people probably did. So irresponsible. The big wigs are just greedy.

11:24 AM #
Had a rockin' 4th. Musta been 'cause I don't remember large portions of it. And the parts you don't remember are usually the best.

11:35 AM #
Remember me and Dave headin' out in the 'Bring. Hit all the hot spots, Chili's parkin' lot, 'Bees parkin' lot. Peepin' all the babes.

11:38 AM #
Drank a whole Thermos of G&T's in the 'Bee's parkin' lot. Blarin' some USA jams. Shot some bottle rocks outta the car. Got some real looks!

11:46 AM #
A rent-a-cop came walkin' up to the 'Bring. Dave gave him the DX "suck it" sign, which means what it sounds like. Peeled out. So money.

11:50 AM #
The 4th is all about freedom. And that includes gettin' bombed in the 'Bee's parkin' lot on G&T's while you peep babes and rock some Seger.

12:16 PM #
Stopped by Crazy Cooter's after 'Bee's. Hadn't seen him since we thought he wanted to murder us. Always nice to reconnect with old friends.

12:19 PM #
Cooter's was a wild scene. Was playin' Christmas music. Buncha burnt hamburgs on the grill. Squirrel was passed out nude on the lawn.

12:27 PM #
Cooter & Squirrel were on "'shrooms?" Always seemed like some hippie crap. Ate one to be polite. Not very tasty. Dave ate two like a hog.

12:33 PM #
Kinda lost track of time. Think the 'shrooms were laced with extra drugs. All of sudden, Cooter's was filled with like a thousand people.

12:37 PM #
Remember playin' Seger's "Shakedown" on my boombox in Cooter's garage with a buncha people. Shotgunnin cold ones. Gettin' down. Real sweaty.

12:42 PM #
Took my shirt off. Some babes started screamin' when they saw the merchandise. Started dancin' so hard. I was red hot like a thousand suns.

12:49 PM #
Guess I got overheated 'cause I had to barf, pronto. Threw up on some guy named Bean Tooth. Got kinda steamed. It was just beer! Jeez.

12:51 PM #
Bean Tooth said I owed him a new shirt. Said he could have mine. In the evening, a real man knows a shirt is just dead weight.

12:53 PM #
Don't remember much after that. Might've made some questionable decisions? Woke up in Cooter's filthy tub with half a bowl of Bratato salad.

12:58 PM #
Cooter was still up at 7am. Lightin roman candles. Drinkin' a bottle of Jim. Dave was sleepin on the floor, covered in trash and footprints.

01:02 PM #
Smoked a cig with Cooter. Seemed kinda sad. Said, "Welzein, you have a good time bro?" Told him, "Yeah, you did good, Coot. Real fine."

01:04 PM #
Coot said, "I hate when the party's f@ckin' done, man. F@ckers always wanna leave." Told him, "Can't have hellos without goodbyes, brother."

01:09 PM #
Cooter said, "Man, that's some dumbass bullsh*t, Karl. You're alright, man." Had a shot for the road, and spilt. USA. Never forget.

01:18 PM #
Ain't it funny how the night moves? When you don't seem to have as much to lose, you guys?