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DadBoner - Wed Jul 11 2012

12:54 AM #
Dave just sleep walked into my room. Said, "What are you doing?!" Dave said, "I'm takin' a 'forget.'" And whizzed on my clean laundry pile!

12:57 AM #
MY CLEAN LAUNDRY IS ALL COVERED IN DAVE'S PEENER GOLD! Can't believe this crap. Really steamed.

12:59 AM #
Walked Dave outside and locked the door. Not supposed to wake up sleep walkers. They can go bonkers. Gotta be safe, you guys.

01:01 AM #
Gonna make some Triscuits & Mayo. Watch some Pawn Stars on DVR. Man, Barry is pretty much the man!

01:03 AM #
Barry on Pawn Stars is kinda like an elderly Guy Fieri. So wise, yet classy, and ready for any babe situaish.

01:05 AM #
And besides "Guy," "Barry" might be the #2 macho name in history. "Dalton" might beat it though. THEN, "Karl."

01:07 AM #
Gonna make a TALL Crown & Diet to go with the Triscuits & Mayo. Middle of the night on a Tuesday is the perfect "me" time.

01:09 AM #
If my whole day was the middle of the night? Man, I'd get so much done. Gonna really kick back. Full nude. Like nature intended.

01:14 AM #
If you can drink a tall Crown & Diet, eat Triscuits & mayo, and watch Pawn Stars at 4am, PLUS, be butt naked? You've got life figured out...

01:14 AM #
...you guys.

01:46 AM #
Might go take a snooze shower with another Crown & Diet, then sleep in the 'Bring. Seems like a winning combination for a productive day.

11:40 AM #
Really hurtin' today, you guys.

11:42 AM #
Woke up in the tub late for work this mornin'. Triscuits & mayo everywhere. Just a disaster. So much for tryin' to get an early start.

11:46 AM #
Had a tumbler of Crown & Diet on the edge of the tub. Couldn't waste a C&D so I took it to the house. Ice was melted, so it was hydrating.

11:50 AM #
If you wake up with wet Triscuits all mashed up your buttcrack, drinkin' before work isn't really the first issue of concern, you guys.

11:55 AM #
Forgot I locked sleep walk Dave outside last night. Guess he fell down some stairs. Cut his leg up pretty bad. Woke up and freaked out.

11:57 AM #
Guess Dave pounded on the door for hours tryin' to get in. Doesn't know I locked him out in his sleep. Just gonna keep it hush hush.

11:59 AM #
Dave went to Neighbor Guy's in his underpants at 5:30am and beat on the door for help. Neighbor Guy said beat it or he'd call the cops.

12:02 PM #
Sure, I locked Dave outside and he mighta died, but Neighbor Guy shoulda helped him out. So selfish. Might have a word with him after work.

12:09 PM #
Had weird dreams last night. Was cruisin' for babes in a hot rod with Barry from Storage Wars. One of those dreams you never want to end.

12:11 PM #
Always get Storage Wars and Pawn Stars mixed up when I'm hammered. They should just call em "The Barry Show" and "Fatsos" to make it easier.

12:13 PM #
Oh no. Just remembered how everything started. Dave whizzed on my clean laundry. Where the shirt I'm wearin' came from. Oh God. No. Oh no.

12:14 PM #
I'M WEARIN' A SHIRT WITH DAVE'S DRIED WHIZZ ON IT!!!! OH MY GOD!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!

12:17 PM #
That's why me and Barry from Storage Wars were sportin' our shirts with the wet look. It was a dream omen! I was tryin' to warn future Karl!

12:20 PM #
Gotta go to Kohl's for a new tee, pronto. No man wearin' another man's urine, can still consider himself a man. Maybe in Europe though?

02:41 PM #
Picked up this bad boy. Just some guy humor. ("rack" = "chest beefers?" Ha!) Cut the sleeves off in the car. So money. http://t.co/8QUt4ouD

02:46 PM #
Didn't go back to work. Stopped home to grunt out a premie. Was gonna take it easy tonight, but my Rack tee is built for Cold One City, USA!