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DadBoner - Fri Jul 13 2012

11:48 AM #
"Got it bad! Got it bad! Got it bad! I'm hot for Friday!" Happy Friday to ya, you guys.

02:41 PM #
Spent most of the day in the John workin' on my letter to Taco Bell 'bout the Cantina Bowl situaish. Had to get it on.

02:43 PM #
To Whom It May Concern at Taco Bell, 'Sup? Name's Karl Welzein, President and CEO of Bad Boy City Entertainment. Sorry, but I got a beef.

02:46 PM #
Yesterday, not feelin' very well 'cause I drank about a thousand beers in my new Rack (chest beefer guy humor) tee I had to get 'cause...

02:48 PM #
...I remembered that I was wearin a shirt that Dave had whizzed on, I stumbled into The Bell for some comfort. When you're really hurtin,...

02:50 PM #
...The Bell is always on point. Kinda makes you feel worse than you already did, but at least it flushes your guts out with bold flavors.

02:52 PM #
Unknowingly, I ordered the Cantina Bowl, 'cause it sounded like a big bowl full of mashed up Taco Bell, and bowls usually include bacon.

02:53 PM #
To my surprise, when I got back to work, I discovered that your "Cantina Bowl" was just basically a chick salad with rice and corn and crap.

02:56 PM #
Sure, I got the steak, but it was only about a burreet's worth. Certainly not enough to satisfy a real macho man with a bad boy appetite.

02:58 PM #
I gotta say, The Cantina Bowl is the most disappointing item I've ever had at Taco Bell. Who's runnin' the ship over there, soccer moms?

03:01 PM #
The Bell was so on point with the Loco D'reet Tac. Why waste time with "fresh ingredients" when there's other ways to use D'Reets?

03:04 PM #
Checked out the saucy latina babe who invented the Cantina Bowl. She's slammin' and I'd run for her border, but no way Jose on her grub.

03:05 PM #
You can't just let a babe make up crap for your restaurant 'cause some head honcho is probably havin' carnal passions with her caramel bod.

03:09 PM #
Taco Bell, when I want Taco Bell, I want Taco Bell, not a $4.99 kick in the sack with a side of black beans and lettuce, comprende?

03:12 PM #
You claim that the Cantina Bowl is "satisfaction guaranteed." So, if Taco Bell made airbags, my face would be burger meat right now?

03:14 PM #
You can't just guarantee satisfaction. Unless it's me, one on one with a babe. When it comes to satisfaction, just call me Snickers.

03:16 PM #
NOBODY is gonna be satisfied by The Cantina Bowl. NOBODY. If Peanut was here (RIP) to eat out of your dumpster, he'd agree.

03:20 PM #
Anyone satisfied by The Cantina Bowl, doesn't know anything 'bout this crazy world we call, "life." So many bold flavors, so little time.

03:21 PM #
If anything, Taco Bell, you should at least train your employees to say to customers who order The Cantina Bowl, "You sure? Pretty weak."

03:24 PM #
If you wanna save your franchise, I'm urging you, please, take that bowl of health crap off your menu. Taco Bell used to be cool. Not now.

03:26 PM #
All the best to you in your future endeavors, Karl Welzein

03:30 PM #
PS- What kinda corncobs at Taco Bell are holdin back makin' 'Chos with D'reets!? Kinda concerning to the public, you guys.

03:38 PM #
Feels rockin to help the world sometimes. Might head to Paddy's. Get real loose and chitty chatty with some babes. Charity vibes are carnal.