Twitter Fiction Reader

DadBoner - Mon Oct 01 2012

11:13 AM #
Really hurtin'. Don't wanna be at work right now. I'd rather be in a dumpster or anywhere else. Hmm. That might make a good country song?

11:27 AM #
Crazy Cooter and his buddies came by Saturday night and some stayed 'til after 1am on Sunday night at The K-Money Club. Kinda rude.

11:32 AM #
I mean, I'm no stranger to afties. That's when babes get loose and conversational. But afties can't last almost 24hrs. Gotta wash your pits.

11:35 AM #
Remember on Saturday night, Cooter gettin' some of his garbage pail gals into the Passions Room for a "fire truck bed HJ contest."

11:44 AM #
Cooter said, "Hey Welzein, you want your f*ckin' meat stroked by Rat Face or Biggie Smalls in the fire truck bed?" Not very enticing.

11:47 AM #
Neither, "Rat Face" nor "Biggie Smalls" are very flattering names for babes. Accurate? Yes. Carnally alluring? No.

11:53 AM #
Crazy Cooter, Bean Tooth, Rat Face & Biggie Smalls took the boombox in the Passions Room, blared Nickelback's "Rockstar," & got disgusting.

12:01 PM #
After a few minutes, Crazy Cooter and Bean Tooth came out the room. Cooter told Bean Tooth, "Rockin' bust, bro. Boss f*ckin' load." Jeez.

12:03 PM #
Who has an "HJ contest?!" Maybe if you're in a band like Bad Company, but The K-Money Club is supposed to be sophisticated.

12:07 PM #
Cooter said, "You sure you don't want a beat down? Biggie Smalls gots strong f*ckin' hands. Beefy & soft." Dave ran in and slammed the door.

12:10 PM #
Dave musta stayed in the Passions Room for a half hour. Said he made out with Biggie Smalls the whole time. Didn't even get an HJ. Idiot.

12:12 PM #
Dave walked around The K-Money Club the rest of the night with Biggie Smalls, holdin' hands. She just HJ'd Bean Tooth!

12:23 PM #
I don't want an HJ in a "contest" with some garbage pail gals. Should be one on one carnally, in a private car. Show some class.

12:26 PM #
The K-Money Club is such a nightmare. Everything is covered in barf. People whizzed in the living room. Might be closed for renovations.

12:30 PM #
'Bout 5am Saturday, I remember Cooter just kickin' in drywall to some .38 Special and I decided, the reigns were no longer mine.

12:34 PM #
Sometimes, you try to put out the fire, and sometimes, you gotta know when to pack up your hose and let it burn, you guys.