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DadBoner - Mon Jan 07 2013

08:09 AM #
Man. Really hurtin', you guys.

08:14 AM #
Been kinda outta the loop. Had some serious issues with 'rrhea. Caught a case of the nasty D takin' care of Crazy Cooter's ma.

08:18 AM #
NYE was rockin'. Went to Coot's with my Captain Karl's Big Bold Ball for sharin', heavy 'logne on point, and my mad swag Craig Sager suit.

08:22 AM #
Coot's been a real pile of trash lately, but a pal's a pal, especially on a holiday when they're the only idiot throwin' a celebraish.

08:25 AM #
Peeped about a thousand babes. Lotta grossouts, so I played it chill in the hot corner waitin for a sad & lonely to ride my midnight trail.

08:27 AM #
Told Crazy Cooter to turn down the music to make sure everyone knew about my Captain Karl's Big Bold Ball and that it was for sharin'.

08:30 AM #
Cooter thought I was "high sidin' to hog slizz" with my "f*ckin' dish to fuckin' pass like this is church potluck and sh*t."

08:32 AM #
Told Cooter if he wanted to be King New Year he shoulda laid out a better spread than some old grape Smucker's and a hickory stick.

08:35 AM #
Said, all the babes from coast to coast know my cheese ball's got the bold flavors to make 'em midnight cravers. Got up in his grill.

08:37 AM #
Told Crazy Cooter if he wanted to see who was the PRIMO King New Year, we could settle it, Over The Top style.

08:38 AM #
Winner takes it all. Loser takes the fall. Sammy Hagar said that, you guys.

08:41 AM #
Made sure all the babes came 'round to see the arm wrestlin'. My branches are all beef, thick, and primed to perfection for battle, ANYTIME.

08:45 AM #
Took off my Craig Sager blazer slow to show off the goods. You could tell the babes were pretty much like, "Whoa, Dr. Beef's gonna operate."

08:48 AM #
Went over the top on Cooter in about zero seconds. Crushed his arm though a card table with my bad boy thickness. Such a power move.

08:50 AM #
Cooter got off the ground and started screamin' that I was "f*ckin' cheatin'" and "it was time to get f*ckin' nasty motherf*cker!"

08:52 AM #
Put on my Craig Sager jacket, gave Cooter the bad boy finger gun double pistol point & told him, "Too bad, so sad, kimosabe." Shut him down.

08:55 AM #
Cooter ran out the room sayin' words from the darkside and came back with an M-250. Said he was gonna "shove it up your f*ckin' ass, f*g!"

08:58 AM #
Wick musta been dry cause the M-250 lit real quick. Went off in Coot's hand. Blew the tips off a couple fingers. Started usin bad language.

09:00 AM #
Was alotta blood, but less than you'd think. Still, startin' 2013 with less digits on your paw than in 2012 isn't very chill, you guys.

09:02 AM #
Cooter ran into the garage to get his "secret f*ckin' dope stash to smooth out the pain." Seemed kinda deranged. Was kinda concerning.

09:04 AM #
Everyone pretty much just kept rockin'. Found Coot in the snow later, covered in puke. Bean Tooth said it was an OD and called a 'Lance.

09:12 AM #
Gotta go leak out some safety 'rrhea. Still havin' aftershocks from my backdoor sickness. Can't let a wet ripper ruin' your day, you guys.

04:19 PM #
Think I finally got my 'rrhea trickles under control. Gonna get hydrated with some Gatorpagne. Have a lil' "No Nasty D" celebraish. Ha!

04:26 PM #
So, after Coot O.D.'d on his special dope stash, I kept it chillin' at his pad to make sure the celebraish kept rockin'. 'Cause I'm the man.

04:30 PM #
It seemed like there were about a thousand babes givin' me the carnal stare, but I kept my passions in check to be responsible.

04:33 PM #
When you take another man over the top through a card table, bad boy style, babes are gonna crave your touch all night long, you guys.

04:40 PM #
Decided since my power moves kinda resulted in Crazy Cooter goin' into the hospital for a few days, I should watch his ma for him.

04:45 PM #
Cooter's ma wasn't much to take care of. Mostly only lives on High Life, Wendy's Frosties, and More Menthols. Kinda cool?

04:48 PM #
Kinda went hog nuts on Jr. Bacons pickin' up Frosties for Cooter's ma. Guess 6-8 a day was an excessive line due to my nasty 'rrhea.

04:59 PM #
Had to split. Cooter's ma said if I "didn't stop blowin' up her john like a loose assholed pussy, she'd cut my rocks off." Unnecessary.

05:21 PM #
Told Cooter's ma, "My backdoor is doin' just fine in the tone department, thank you very much," and hit the bricks. I don't need insults.

05:23 PM #
Man, pretty bombed on Gatorpagne, you guys. Yet hydrated to perfection.